Month: November 2005

Bend Over, Diebold! and more

“Another Blow to E-Voting Company”
Associated Press (11/29/05); Robertson, Gary D.

A North Carolina judge has ruled that electronic voting machine manufacturer Diebold will not be protected from criminal prosecution in the event that it does not make its software code available, as required by state law. Due to the ruling, Diebold could halt sales of new voting equipment in that state, where lost votes cast doubt on the results of a statewide election last year. “We will obviously have no alternative but withdraw from the process,” said Doug Hanna, a lawyer for Diebold, which supplies voting machines to roughly 20 North Carolina counties. The dispute originates from the requirement that suppliers make available the code that powers voting machines and the programmers who design it. However, Hanna says that because Diebold uses Windows, it does not have the right to disclose Windows code, nor is it possible to provide the names of every programmer who designed Diebold’s software. No criminal charges have been brought against Diebold yet, though the company’s reputation was further tarnished for supplying voting machines that were responsible for election disruptions in California last year.
Click Here to View Full Article

And then we’re on to Chicken Hugging. Hell Yeah!

Techtree (11/29/05)

James Teh of the Nanyang Technological University in Singapore says his “Poultry Internet” technology will lead to “human-to-human virtual hugging.” For the past two years, Teh and Adrian David Cheok and Lee Shang Ping, director and manager, respectively, of the interaction and entertainment research center, have been working on developing a “hug suit” for chickens, as part of a system for tracking activity in the coop by video camera, and transmitting information via the Internet for a 3D simulation of movements. The “hug” technology that a chicken wears is a wireless, sensor-rigged “jacket.” The idea is for the owner to touch the 3D model of the chicken, to translate the instruction into data, and reproduce the information as a series of vibrations via the jacket worn by the animal. The researchers are currently testing the technology. Teh says children could soon wear “pajama suits” studded with sensors that are able to pick up signals via the Internet, and interpret the data to adjust to changes in pressure and temperature to deliver a hug from their mom or dad, and parents who wear the suits will be able to receive a hug from their kids. He believes such hugging and touching will become a key element of future communication.
Click Here to View Full Article

Religious joke

Three little boys were concerned
because they couldn’t get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized
and didn’t go to Sunday School.

So they went to the nearest church.

The janitor was the only one there.

One little boy said,
“We need to be baptized
because no one will come out and play with us.
Will you baptize us?”
“Sure,” said the janitor.

He took them into the bathroom
and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,
one at a time.
Then he said, “You are now baptized!”.

When they got outside,
one of them asked,
“What religion do you think we are?”

The oldest one said,

“We’re not Kathlick, ……because they pour the water on you.”
“We’re not Babtis, …..because they dunk all of you in the water.”
“We’re not Methdiss, ……because they just sprinkle water on you.”

The littlest one said,
“Didn’t you smell that water!”

They all joined in asking,
“Yeah! What do you think that means?”

“I think it means we’re Pisscopailians

Charming

“You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked a clear question.”

—ALBERT CAMUS, THE FALL

This reminds me of what’s going on with my sister. She just figured out that the guy in accounting has been flirting with her. And he’s single. WooHoo! Now she’s got hotpants, walking around with a red face. I’ll keep you posted as developments, um, develop!

Unconscious Mutterings

It’s Sunday
I say … and you think … ?
Mine appear to be all about the discount shopping blitz that I DIDN’T even participate in. Looked at too many ads, I think.

Try yours first:

1. Stuffed::
2. Armstrong::
3. Bruise::
4. Content::
5. Musical::
6. Assistance::
7. Scrambling::
8. Battle::
9. Extended::
10. Discount::

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
1. Stuffed:: Turkey
2. Armstrong:: Lance
3. Bruise:: Lips
4. Content:: Web
5. Musical:: Chairs
6. Assistance::Old
7. Scrambling::Cliff
8. Battle:: WalMart
9. Extended:: Hours
10. Discount::K Mart

SciFi Read Meme

There has been a science fiction book meme making the rounds on live.linuxchix.org. The idea is simple: from a list of books bold the ones you have read, strikeout the ones you didn’t like, and just leave normal the ones you haven’t read unless you want to read them, in which case they get italicized.
My entry follows. If I haven’t read and haven’t italicized, it means I didn’t know about it. 🙂 I’m a sci-fi hound, fer sure.

1. The HitchHiker’s Guide to the Galaxy — Douglas Adams
2. Nineteen Eighty-Four — George Orwell
3. Brave New World — Aldous Huxley
4. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? — Philip K. Dick
5. Neuromancer — William Gibson
6. Dune — Frank Herbert
7. I, Robot — Isaac Asimov
8. Foundation — Isaac Asimov
9. The Colour of Magic — Terry Pratchett
10. Microserfs — Douglas Coupland
11. Snow Crash — Neal Stephenson
12. Watchmen — Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
13. Cryptonomicon — Neal Stephenson
14. Consider Phlebas — Iain M Banks
15. Stranger in a Strange Land — Robert Heinlein
16. The Man in the High Castle — Philip K Dick
17. American Gods — Neil Gaiman
18. The Diamond Age — Neal Stephenson
19. The Illuminatus! Trilogy — Robert Shea & Robert Anton Wilson
20. Trouble with Lichen – John Wyndham

Quote o’ the Day

Thought for this day-after-Thanksgiving-shopping-blitz push:

“Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.”

—WRITER/LECTURER ADRIENNE GUSOFF

Iris in November

I walked outside this morning and Voila! one of my grandma’s old Iris was blooming. It’s morning, somehow the shadow of the house behind the flower came out black.
Iris in November

It’s fall, it really is. This is a tree from the same yard, 2 minutes later.
Fall in the front yard

Thanksgiving

This is stolen directly from Top Five

  1. "You’ve never loved me!"
    "Why the hell did I come home?"
    "Please pass the gravy."
  2. See my family:
    They’re all such friggin’ morons.
    Turkey softens pain.
  3. Christmas music plays,
    Yet I haven’t finished my
    Halloween candy.
  4. Of all the things I’m
    thankful for, the least must be
    Turkey leftovers.
  5. A strange hand enters
    My tender lil’ turkey ass.
    Cut that out, pervert!
  6. White man invades us,
    Steals our land and livelihood!
    Enjoy pie, asswipes.
  7. The zen of Popeye
    Echoes as I fill my plate:
    I am what I yam.
  8. Cowboys score again!
    I leap for joy, plate o’erthrown.
    Fido feasts again.
  9. Let us give our thanks
    To those who prepared this feast.
    Bless you, KFC.
  10. Mom shopped way too late,
    Shelves were picked clean of turkeys.
    Enjoy your fried Spam.
  11. Stomach exploding,
    I can’t eat another bite.
    What? Pie? Bring it on!
  12. This bird has five legs!
    Thanks, genetic engineer.
    Drumsticks all around!
  13. There’s a duck inside
    That chicken and that turkey?
    You’re such a pig, dude!
  14. Full, succulent breast.
    Thighs so firm I salivate.
    *That’s* Cousin Sue? D’OH!
  15. That olive seems strange.
    It looks like… AH! A glass eye!
    Not funny, Grandma!
  16. Turkey! Stuffing! Pie!
    Wolf down, then sprint to the john…
    Feast with Mary-Kate.
  17. Pungent aromas
    Wafting from Grandpa’s buttocks.
    May I be excused?
  18. Pie sirens singing,
    Beckoning from the table,
    Taunting me loudly.
  19. So full I could burst.
    Keep that mint away, despite
    Its wafer thinness.
  20. Pumpkin pies untopped,
    Whipped cream dribbles from the can.
    Who took nitrous hits?
  21. Finger lickin’ good!
    Junior says the stuffing feels
    Like warm apple pie.
  22. Sometimes we’re thankful
    For the things we do *not* have.
    Like, you know, Trump’s hair.
  23. The Pilgrims landed
    In Massachusetts. And froze.
    Next time, try Key West.
  24. Carve the turkey… yum!
    White meat, dark meat, red meat– huh?
    Crap, I’ve sliced my thumb.
  25. If you’re just too full,
    Go ahead, undo your belt —
    BUT THE PANTS STAY ON.
  26. Most Americans —
    Two thirds — are obese. Stuffing:
    Side dish *and* hobby.
  27. The carcass lies still,
    Stuffed and silent. It is Dad
    Watching football games.
  28. The diagnosis:
    Tryptophan-induced coma
    Gravy IV, stat!
  29. Forty-four years old,
    Still at the kiddie table.
    Pass the damn peas, punk.

    and the Number 1 Thanksgiving Haiku…

  30. Butterball Hot Line?
    This is an emergency!
    My penis is stuck!

Subscribe to Top Five here. It’s a very funny list, with a free version and a paid version. The haiku list was from a paid subscription, of course. Way worth whatever I paid for it, which was something like $12 for a year. Cheap entertainment!