Top 5

March 22, 2006

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Today’s list was originally published on December 15, 1998.

The Top 15 Christian Coalition-Approved
Nicknames for Breasts

15> Democrat Catchers

14> NFRU (Not for Recreational Use)

13> Pastor Baiters

12> Mounds of Shame

11> Heavenly Canteens

10> Pearly Weights

9> Hooteronomies

8> Pizza Pizza

7> Sweater Undulations

6> The Daughters of Lactiticus

5> Racks of Lambs of God

4> Communion Woofers

3> First and Second Mammalonians

2> Pamela 36:D

and Top5’s Number 1 Christian Coalition-Approved
Nickname for Breasts…

1> Beelzeboobs

[ The Top 5 List ]
[ Copyright 1998, 2006 by Chris White ]

Christian Coalition-Approved Nicknames for Breasts
RUNNERS UP list — Lacking Support

Big Honking Deuteronomies
(Sam Evans, Charleston, SC)

Condiment Containers for the Non-Aborted
(Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR)
(Patrick Major, Dallas, OR)
(Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA)

Noah’s favorite thing that comes in twos
(Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY)

Proof Positive of God’s Existence
(Rich Taylor, Arlington, VA)

Satan’s Scatter Cushions
(Lisa Oliver, London, England)

Scylla and Charybdis
(Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA)

The Holy Twintitties
(Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA)

The Lord’s Pair
(Rich Taylor, Arlington, VA)

Those Which Begat My Woody
(Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC)

(Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA)

Two Horsemen of the Apocalypse
(Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA)

Runners Up list name
(Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA)

Christian Coalition-Approved Nicknames for Breasts

A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou — minus the “a loaf of
bread, a of wine, and thou.”
(Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY)

Anteriorly suspended dietary calcium sources
(Alan Wagner, Pittsburg, KS)

Bell Towers
(Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX)

Cain and Abel
(Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC)

Chest Cheese
(Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA)

Corinthians One and Two
(Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE)

Don’t call them anything. If we ignore them, sex will go away.
(Jon Litfin, Columbus, OH)

(Eric Huret, Atlanta, GA)

Glory to God in the highest, and fullest
(Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH)

Headlights of the Soul
(Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA)

Knockers on Heaven’s Doors
(Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY)

Mammies from Heaven
(Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA)
(Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC)

Onward Christian boulders
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)

Pope Hats
(Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA)

Sweet Moses with Noses
(John Hering, Alexandria, VA)

The Devil’s Other Playthings
(Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA)
(Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA)

The Eyes of Satan
(Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC)

The Portion of Your Torso at Which Jesse Jackson Would Be Staring
if You Were a Woman and He Were Speaking to You
(Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI)

The Two Enormous Grapes of Wrath
(Fred Hesby, Portland, OR)

Things Jesus Sucked, But Only for the First Few Months of His Life
(Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY)

Those which our tight-sweatered fifth-grade French teacher caused
us to commit sins of nature unto
(Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA)

Tweedledee and Tweedledum
(Ward Bahner, Kansas City, MO)

Two Peas in a Pushup Pod
(Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX)