Spring has sprung, the grass is riz

I wonder where the birdies is?

That would be my ATF ode to spring. I’m easy that way.

So, driving up our little street with the windows down, finally, I’m hit with the wonderfully overpowering smell of orange blossoms. Oh, heaven! Is there anything better in nature? Besides lilacs, stargazer lilies and iris, I mean.
Everyone on our little block has at least one orange tree in their front yard so it smells divine this time of year. Everyone, that is, except us, we have hideous ornamental plums and pears, which are as messy as a flock of crows. They are gross.

One interesting thing to note: the pears, when they bloom, smell like cum/spooge/ejaculate whatever you call it. Really. You walk out the front door for a few days each spring and start looking for copulating males. That’s pretty much the only thing I like about those damned trees. They’re not really very pretty, the fruit is (naturally, as they are ornamental) completely inedible. They stick like superglued bird crap (or rotten fruit, which is what they are) to my car. Okay, one other good thing, they do attract birds.

I often wonder what Bob was thinking when he planted those ornamentals. The side yard has cherries, peaches, and nectarines, he did so well over there! And now an avocado which has grown [I am not making this up] six inches in three days. It was obviously waiting for a little sunshine.
I love fruit trees.

Fruit trees=good, handicapped ornamentals=not so much.

We pruned the old peach and nectarine too hard this winter, they’re not going to have much fruit this year. But it looked like it had been 5+ years since their last trim job, and branches were breaking. Whomever lives here next year [please, God, don’t let it be me*] will have a nice crop. When those peaches ripen up and you eat them warm off the tree it’s better than a lot of sex I’ve had. Not all, but a lot. Mmmm, juice dripping down the chin, so sweet and fragrant it makes your eyes water.

I’m sure glad it finally quit raining.

*[nice house, nice yard, city sucks major ass wind]

Olde But Goode

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona
when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the
trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo
woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got
into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with
the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at
everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white
bag on the seat next to Sally.

“What’s in the bag?” asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the white bag
and said, “It’s a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband.”

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with
the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: “Good trade.”

To Do List

This is my frightening to do list that has been waking me up. I am one person.

computer frustration

Today: Fix fracking crappy CYMA software accounting server software and workstation problems this morning

Find good local IT help – check out the Central Sac business, CSAE? Figure out how to use them without any available budget.

Find out about integrating eDirectory and Active Directory – Embrace the Dark Side

Find out about remote viewing in Windows

Set up new backup system
get software and serial numbers
move shelves
install hardware
install software
change UPS setup

Buy software for new servers [note: find out about buying pre-installed]
SQL server
Windows 2003
sql server
report server
new email server + exchange??
TiMSS server
One more I can’t remember

Buy GB add-on for ProCurve switch

Setup search for ITC
decide which headers
finish new website pages?
send snippets to vultures

Buy new servers
SQL server
Report server
TiMSS server
one other

Finish new website and move to new server, Fireball is on its last legs – timing is very iffy on this

Find out about integrating vacancy database TiMSS database, top layer should be able to call any db

Install massive new sitewide AMS system
Do Data Conversions
Go Live: 9-29-06

Prison vs. Work

Subject: Prison vs. Work

If you ever get these two environments confused, this should make things a little bit clearer…

IN PRISON……you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK……..you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON……you get three meals a day.
AT WORK……..you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON……you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK……..you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON……the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK……..you’re often required to carry a security card and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON……you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK……..you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON……you get your own toilet.
AT WORK……..you share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON……they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK……..you’re not supposed to even speak to your family.

IN PRISON……all expenses are paid by the taxpayers.
AT WORK……..you pay all your expenses to get to work, and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON …..you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK……..they’re called managers.

IN PRISON……you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK …….you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

Have a Good Day at Work! 🙂

Texas Sentiment a.k.a. Quote O’ the Day

“Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you, and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth, and you should save it for someone you love.”


Doing that meme thing

And hey, I’ve had too much vodka to type coherently without overs (and more overs) so memes are good.

Your Quirk Factor: 72%

You’re so quirky, it’s hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there’s little about you that’s “normal” or “average.”