Month: August 2006

Blonde joke

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very
attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived ….and bet
twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play
topless.”

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled,
“Come on, baby…. Southern Girl needs new clothes!”

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down…and squealed…
“YES! YES! I WON! I WON!”

She hugged each of the dealers… and then picked up her winnings and
her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them
asked, “What did she roll?”

The other answered, “I don’t know… I thought you were watching.”

Moral —

Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But, all men….. are MEN.

Quote o’ the Day

“Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.”

—JOURNALIST SYDNEY J. HARRIS

Buzz Word of the Day

Short buzzword story: Somebody gave one of our buzz-word BS speaking lobbyists a framed, glassed picture of two dimes on a plain background. They were scotchtaped on. Pair a dimes, get it?
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I love this one today, as I am all about menopaws right now.

meno-paws

When you give up looking for a husband/wife/partner and get a pet instead.
Nominated by Jacqui Scarff

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UWOTD

Urban Word of the Day
http://www.urbandictionary.com

August 08, 2006: wikiality

Reality as decided on by majority rule. Based off [wikipedia]’s ‘majority rule’ fact. Featured on [The Colbert Report] July 31, 2006.

Wikiality refers to the changing of reality or truth via a Wikipedia-like system, allowing the public to change facts as long as there are others that agree.

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stay fresh. http://www.urbandictionary.com

KoL

This just kills me. I think this game is way funny, even if I am bad at it. I will never ascend at this rate. Whatever ascend is….

You’re fighting a Bread Golembread golem

This is a golem made out of a loaf of bread. You find him crusty and his wit stale. Having thought the previous sentence, you almost hope he manages to kick your ass.

He gets the jump on you.

He starts to sing a bland, boring song, but you say “baby, I’m’a want you to stop that.”

Urban WOTD

Urban Word of the Day
www.urbandictionary.com

August 04, 2006: awesinine

Stupidly brilliant, or brilliantly stupid. Describes an idea or work whose chief virtue is its overwhelming, unadulterated dumbness.

Have you heard about that new movie ‘Snakes on a Plane’?

Heck yeah! I’m going opening night. That thing looks awesinine.

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On dieting

In England in 1665, a health pamphlet entitled, “To reduce the body that is too fat to a mean and handsome proportion,” suggested that one effective technique was bloodletting. According to the pamphlet, the overweight person should be bled “largely, twice a year, the right arm in the spring, the left in the autumn.”

joke

Campbell’s has announced it soon will stock America’s grocery store shelves with “Bush Soup,” in honor of our president.

A company spokesman said the soup will primarily consist of a weenie in hot water.

WallyMart Story 2

The perfect Wal-Mart Greeter:

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter says, “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart …. Nice children you’ve got there – are they twins?”

The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, “Hell no they ain’t, the oldest one, he’s 9 and the younger one, she’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins?…….. Do you really think they look alike?”

“No”, replies the greeter, “I just couldn’t believe you got lucky twice!”