Sexual Intelligence

“Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (”

I think Marty Klein makes *a lot* of sense. You can subscribe to his newsletter here.

1. City Collapses Over Sex-Change Operation
After 14 years, excellent performance ratings and another raise just last year, the Largo, FL city manager was fired for announcing his upcoming sex-change operation. The City Commission fired him because he had “violated their trust” and “caused a major disruption.”

What the City Commission members mean is, “Wow, you’re confusing me! Making me uncomfortable! Making it impossible to ignore my own sexual beliefs! If you don’t stop, we’ll, we’ll, we’ll send you away so we can zip our existential terror right back up.”

These five men and women actually think they have the right to vote on Steven Stanton’s gender. They’re demanding protection from their discomfort with his personal choices. Of course, if they weren’t so obsessed with his personal choices, they wouldn’t need quite so much protection from their terror.

And these people are actually willing to sacrifice Stanton’s high-quality managerial services just so they can pretend the world is never going to change. Do you know how hard it is to find a decent city manager?

Well, Commissioners, you can ditch Stanton. But you really blew it–Stanton was your chance to develop a little tolerance and self-soothing before being challenged by someone you really care about: your son coming out as bisexual. Your wife saying she’s been faking orgasms. Your fantasies about being spanked by both Barack Obama and Condi Rice. It will be great sport to watch you squirm when it’s your grandkids or nieces or best friends challenging the dominant paradigm about sexuality instead of a guy you can just send away to Fire Island.

Sexually, the world isn’t really divided into gay and straight. It’s divided between people who can tolerate others’ sexuality, and people who can’t. People who may think about others’ sexuality, and people who judge others’ sexuality. That second group seems obsessed with others’ sexuality. Who else spends every waking moment thinking about homosexuality, sex-change operations, prostitution, orgies, premarital sex, and porn, porn, porn, porn, and porn?

You want a city manager you can “trust”? Try drug addict Rush Limbaugh, extortionist Jack Abramoff, attempted child molester Tom Foley, compulsive gambler Bill Bennett, or the unemployed Tom DeLay–all eligible by virtue of keeping the gender they were born with. Ann Coulter has no managerial experience, but she obviously loves being a woman, so she’s safe, too.

Oh, the Largo city motto? “To provide superior services that enhance the quality of life and community pride.” Well, In one gesture, the city has

  • gotten rid of the guy who coordinated the superior services,
  • undermined the quality of life for all tolerant people, and
  • smeared the community’s pride with shame

Hate and fear–undoubtedly the two strongest forces on earth. Besides sexuality, that is.

2. Gay Or Irish? Parade Organizers Force Choice

“Buy some corned beef,” my local butcher smiled on March 17. “Today, everybody’s Irish.”

Well, apparently not everybody. In New York City–home to 2 million Irish-Americans, half as many as in all of Ireland–organizers of the huge Fifth Avenue parade have once again banned Irish-American gay groups from marching. And so the city’s most powerful Irish-American politician, City Council Speaker Christine Quinn, is boycotting the parade.

As every Irish person, gay and straight, should. Unless, of course, hatred, exclusion, and obsession with others’ private lives is truly what it means to be Irish.

How anti-Irish is being gay? Last year, John Dunleavy, a leader of the Roman Catholic group behind the parade, actually compared the exclusion of gays to barring the Ku Klux Klan from marching in Harlem, or Nazis from joining an Israeli parade. I guess he forgot to add, ‘like inviting child molesters to a cub scout camp.’

In one sentence Dunleavy managed to insult every living person. He should be barred from singing or hearing Danny Boy for the rest of his pathetic, frightened life.

Today, if anyone tells you they’re proud to be Irish, ask them why. People typically say it’s the culture–the music, food, lust for life, melancholy attachment to a rugged land, an old-world spirituality, a tradition of surviving. Throw in some red hair and a couple of pints.

My butcher told me that even though I’m Jewish and have never set foot on the Emerald Isle, today I’m Irish. Well, no thanks. I’m with Christine Quinn. Who, by the way, is marching as a lesbian in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Dublin, Ireland, sporting a shamrock and pink triangle.

3. Newt: Hypocrite, or Opportunistic Hypocrite?

Newt Gingrich now admits he was having an extramarital affair while he led Congress in impeaching President Clinton for getting a few blowjobs from a consenting adult.

Ho hum, another “family values” hypocrite. Ted Haggard, Ralph Reed, Mark Foley, Lou Sheldon, Bill O’Reilly, Paul Crouch, Rush Limbaugh, Randall Terry, Robert Livingston (who was supposed to succeed Gingrich as Speaker of the House)–the list of “family values” leaders whose family values include divorce, infidelity, gambling, and embezzlement is getting so big, they could form their own political party. Oh wait–they already have.

Republicans really face a dilemma this Presidential season: three of their four most prominent candidates are divorced. The fourth is–gasp–Mormon. And you know how wild and liberal those desert swingers are.

Serendipitously, Arizona Senator John (‘Jerry Falwell is intolerant except when he’s considering supporting me’) McCain pleaded that “gossip–‘family issues’–should not enter into this campaign.” That was in response to Rudy Giuliani asking for privacy as he apparently deals with estrangement from his children.

In a better, more civilized world, of course our leaders’ private lives would be private. We wouldn’t even know that Gingrich had had extramarital sex with an employee 20 years his junior. And except for a bit of schadenfreude, we wouldn’t care.

But the “family values” crowd has relentlessly shrunk everyone’s zone of privacy. Your sex toy–illegal in 6 states. Your prescription contraceptives–subject to a pharmacist’s “moral refusal rights.” Your private, adults-only strip club, swing club, erotic bookstore–crippled or closed in every state. And so this crowd deserves no privacy whatsoever.

I personally don’t care if a politician is divorced, bisexual, or unfaithful–can any President cause more “immorality” than our current non-drinking, monogamous, Church-going fool who brags about not reading the newspaper? But these people have earned our complete contempt for their private lives, their human struggles, their family dramas.

You know that cliché, live by the sword, die by the sword. Well, you get votes by trashing others’ private choices, you lose votes because of your own.

And Newt? Now that he’s acknowledged “There’s certainly times when I’ve fallen short of God’s standards,” will he do the Godly thing and stop bashing other people’s sexuality and lifestyle?