September 21, 2007

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

As you *might* have heard, former football star
O.J. Simpson is in hot water again, this time in
connection with an alleged armed robbery at a
hotel room in Las Vegas. Simpson “stole” some of
his own memorabilia from a man who was selling it.

The Top 20 OJ Simpson Defense Rhymes

20> It was only a heist —
nobody got sliced.

19> If they stole my shit,
you must acquit!

18> I never do nothin’ but I always get blamed.
My mug shot ain’t the only thing that’s been framed.

17> Yo, *my* name’s on the brass,
So “theft”? Kiss my ass!

16> C’mon, those items all were mine!
Since when did repo become a crime?

15> If the memorabilia belongs to the Juice,
then do the right thing and let me go loose!

14> You can’t convict me of a crime
just because you think I’m slime.

13> You acquitted me of homicide,
so I didn’t realize laws applied.

12> That set up was cold, man.
I blame old man Goldman!

11> Haters are listing my shit too low,
according to “Killer Souvenir Roadshow!”

10> Don’t put me to death —
I was whacked out on meth!

9> If I truly *meant* to be hurtin’,
their jugulars would’ve been spurtin’.

8> I had to get my stuff back, honey.
The Browns and Goldmans got all my money!

7> I would admit it,
“If I Did It.”

6> I hope each of you jurists believes
I was looking for the *real* thieves.

5> You shouldn’t have nabbed me —
that makes me get stabby.

4> I was just looking for the key
to my rental car, a Hertz Grand Prix.

3> It was just a dry run
for the new “Naked Gun.”

2> I screamed, “It’s my memorabilia!
Give it back or I’ll kill y– er… file a complaint
with the concierge.”

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 OJ Simpson Defense Rhyme…

1> The charges are quite simply outrageous!
Besides, you know, “What happens in Vegas…

[ Copyright 2007 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

Like how I post the copyright, yet go ahead and copy it?  It’s because this is an ad.  Yes, really, I’m giving Chris free ad space on my highly-ranked-by-Google blog.  If he prosecutes, he’s a wiener instead of the heartthrob I imagine him to be.