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June 11, 2008

The Top 16 Dangers of Electric Cars

16> Turning on the headlights drops the top speed to 15 MPH.

15> Inflated sense of self-righteousness may cause air bags
to randomly deploy.

14> Jetsons’ car: Cool sound effect.
Your electric car: Sounds like Dad’s 1958 Norelco.

13> Go over 60 for even one minute and you have to pull over
so the car can use its asthma inhaler.

12> “Roadside assistance” involves a kite and waiting for
a thunderstorm.

11> Now your wife can apply makeup, talk on the phone AND blow-dry
her hair while toasting a bagel in rush hour traffic.

10> Condom-less backseat sex leave you not only unprotected but
also ungrounded.

9> The electromagnetic pulse from any nearby nuclear detonation
may cause stalling.

8> Increased odds of getting carjacked by Ed Begley, Jr.

7> It’s a Molotov cocktail on wheels after you try filling it up
on the way home from the bar.

6> If you’re hit by lightning, the car accelerates to the speed
of light.

5> Go over 60 mph, and Reddy Kilowatt shows up to kick your ass.

4> Finding a dead battery in the morning because your wife left
her vibrator plugged into the cigarette lighter all night.

3> Can’t drive it in the bath tub.

2> Your old gas costs were nothing compared to what you’re now
spending on extension cords.

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Danger of Electric Cars…

1> Buying one gets you kicked out of the Republican Party.

[ Copyright 2008 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]