Headlines

Made me chuckle today

–==++   TopFive’s News Headlines   ++==–

China Blames Olympic Torch Flame for Beijing Smog

Bin Laden Falls Victim to Mortgage Mess, Loses Cave

X-Games Athlete Sent Home After Testing Negative for Drugs

Tyra Banks Weight-Loss Secret: Self-Absorption

Manny Ramirez Seeks Trade Back to Home Planet

Credits: David Kass (1), Jerry L. Embry (2),
Tristan Fabriani (3), Bill Muse (4), Ron Arol (5)

Send submissions to headlines@topfive.com

Village vs City

Researchers Help Define Next-Gen Social Networking
IDG News Service (07/28/08) Gohring, Nancy

Academic researchers predict that the next generation of social networking will give more people tools for defining smaller online communities in a way that mimics the real world. Rochester Institute of Technology’s Liz Lawley, speaking at Microsoft Research’s annual Faculty Summit, says current social tools are broken in regards to context and establishing boundaries over who to share information with. Many social network sites require users to become a part of a huge community, or force users to choose whether someone is a friend or not, with no subtleties defining relationships.

“People want to create villages and they’re being forced into cities,” Lawley says. “That’s creating a huge tension in social interactions.” Academic researchers could help develop tools to allow for such specific social networking, but first they must start using the tools, Lawley says, as many have no idea how to use online tools such as sharing a bookmark with other people or moderating comments on a blog.

Lawley also objects to some of the restrictions that separate children from adults online. For example, Lawley says she cannot interact with her 14-year-old son on Second Life because he has to be in the teen grid and she is in the adult grid.

Shutting down sites or isolating people will not solve the problem of sexual predators, she says. And although there is merit in age verification online, it should not be used to segregate users. Instead, Lawley says it would be better for parents to teach young people how to interact safely with adults online.

It’s a dog’s life

Andrew came and spent the weekend, mostly so he could roll around with the dogs.  Here’s another crappity Treo pic, showing a good sized pile of dogs and one son.  Andrew was awake by the time I snapped this, hence the forthcoming smile.

gunnar, Andrew, sissy, and lewi in a tired pile

Gunnar, Andrew, Sissy, and Lewi in a tired pile

Sissy is never happier than when Andrew comes to visit.  She sleeps with him in the twin bed, head on pillow, legs sticking out over the edge, same position as this picture.  It’s quite funny.  I’ll snap that next time, possibly with a better camera.  But it probably won’t be a better picture.

140 character jokes

Or, jokes of little character?

@copyblogger asked people to send in their best twitter-sized jokes.  I present them here for your reading pleasure.  You’ve probably read/heard most of them before but I got a few fresh giggles (most notably the first one), so …

What do you call a Dachshund with Steel testicles?
“Sparky”

On hearing about the threat of Bird ‘Flu, Mr Bush had to be prevented from bombing the Canary Islands.

Dog walks into wild west saloon and says ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw’

“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward”.

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live”.

When it comes to charity, a lot of people will stop at nothing.

Obese children aren’t greedy, they just have slow metabolisms…oh and very fast chip eating hands.

At the Gym I asked the trainer “Can you help me do the splits?” He said “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays”

In the Chinese restaurant a duck came up to me & said “your eyes are like stars”. I said “Waiter I asked for Aromatic duck”.

I went to the supermarket to complain about the lumps in my vinegar, the shop assistant said “those are pickled onions”.

I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.. When I rang her the next day I asked “Did you get my drift?”

I went to the doctor’s – he said “you’ve got hypochondria”… I said…”Not that as well!”

“I told my son, some day you’ll have kids of your own and he said, ya, so will you.”

What did the bulldog say to the alligator? Hey dude, why the long face?

Q: Why did the strawberry go out with the plum? A: Because he could not find a date.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No eye deer.

Q: What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom? A: He’s a real fun guy [fungi].”

q: what do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? a: a stick.

A buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, “make me one with everything.”

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said Thyroid problem?’

two guys walk into a bar. you’d think one of them would have seen it.

How can you tell when a computer programmer has had sex? When he’s washing the pepper spray out of his eyes.

How do you tell if a blogger is extroverted? When he talks with you, he looks at your shoes.

How many copywriters does it take to change a light bulb? Ans: Zero – A good copywriter convinces their readers to change it!

Why are pirates happy? A: Because they ARRRRR!!!

Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says “Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here”

a woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre. so the bartender gave it to her.

“Bad news & worse news. Bad news is you have 24 hrs to live.” Patient:”Worse news?” Doc:”I meant to call you yesterday.”

Well, there was the man who ran over himself. He couldn’t get anyone to go to the store for him, so he ran over himself.

Why did the computer cross the road? *to get a byte to eat*

I asked my wife “what do you call an exploding monkey?” I had “a baboom” as a punchline. She shot back: “an orangubang!”

Hey, what’s brown and sticky? *A stick*

Mother’s little helper

And no, I don’t mean tequila.  Or reds or whatever Mick was referring to in that song from my golden youth.  I mean a Roomba.

We have a Roomba automatic vacuum.  It’s a refurb and a tiny bit quirky.  I blogged about it before, when it was trying to run away.  I think it’s gotten used to us because it hasn’t tried to escape lately. I haven’t yet created a little French maid’s outfit for it, but I will.

So, every day it runs around the house every day cleaning up after us.  When we empty the filter every day, it’s crammed with dog hair.  Mostly Goober’s. We could build a new dog every week with the discards.

I think the roomba may be mad at the dogs over this.  I caught it going down the hall, chasing after the hairy perps:

Poor Lewi, he doesn’t even shed, but I guess the Roomba thinks a dog is a dog is a dog.  He leapt over it and went the other way.  Sissy is down the hall a little further [farther? I can measure it …] and she just layed [laid? lie? Fuck, where are the grammar police when I need them?]  there until the Roomba hit her and turned around.  Really.  Apparently they’ve done this before and Sissy doesn’t chicken out.  Goober, the main offender, took off for the other room when it started toward him.  For a big scary dog, he’s an awful pussy when push comes to shove.

The only camera I could find was my old Treo, so the picture sucks, but it’s slightly better than no picture.