Today’s Top Five from TopFive.com. Good one!

July 11, 2008

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

You know those Out-of-Office AutoReply e-mail
notifications you get when you send e-mail
to someone who’s on vacation? Great idea,
but the messages are so *painfully* boring.

The Top 15 Out-of-Office E-Mails We’d Like to See
(Part I)

15> I’m at my desk right now, but Minesweeper is a timed game.
I’ll respond to you as soon as I set a new high score.

14> I’m attending the funeral of my grandmother. Please do not
make the effort to count and realize that this is the sixth
time my grandmother has died in the past four years.

13> I’ll be out all week. And my office door’s unlocked.
And there’s all kinds of cool stuff in my desk drawers.

12> I am not able to reply to your e-mail because I am on
vacation. If you fill up my mailbox with more unwanted
pictures of your ugly kids while I am out, I will hunt you
down and kill you.

11> You talking to me? You talking to ME? Well guess what?
Today I ain’t talking to you.

10> I like some of the things you wrote in that last email.
And it inspired me to come up with something completely
unconventional. Now stay with me because it may seem
irrelevant, but brings up a valid point. Imagine that you
represent everything you just wrote, and I represent every
person… GOTCHA! I’m not really here — this is an automated
message. I’ll be back next week!

9> I will be out of the Oval Office until January 20, 2009.
(Barack Obama only)

8> All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.
All WORK and NO PLAY make Jack a DULL BOY.
All work and no play make jack a dull boy.
Allworkandnoplaymakejackadullboy…

7> I’m out of the office, unless I came in today. It’s a
Microsoft thing.

6> smhdiohsddhmd mdmvre’gjwe’ wojt’g ojmqge’ojmv q’q gvjegvr’C
gv’gogvjgrj (That’s my new assistant’s ass banging on
my keyboard; can’t get to your message, obviously.)

5> I am currently trapped in a dead-end position with a
vision-crippled, lifeforce-sucking conglomerate, having
lost the will to even respond to email. Please send
appealing job-openings and humorously twisted motivational
poster parodies.

4> Sorry, but I’ve lost all of my fingers in the large paper
cutter and won’t be able to respond until I learn how to
type with a pencil in my mouth.

3> If not back by Aug 06, please avenge my death.

2> I’m away on business, so your requests are being forwarded
to our general customer service center. Of course it’s 12
time zones away and the associates only speak Hindi, so
you’re probably screwed until I get back anyway.

and Topfive.com’s Number 1
Out-of-Office E-Mail We’d Like to See…

1> For questions about the GMS project, ask Bob; he took
the credit for it, so let’s see if he knows anything.