140 character jokes

Or, jokes of little character?

@copyblogger asked people to send in their best twitter-sized jokes.  I present them here for your reading pleasure.  You’ve probably read/heard most of them before but I got a few fresh giggles (most notably the first one), so …

What do you call a Dachshund with Steel testicles?
“Sparky”

On hearing about the threat of Bird ‘Flu, Mr Bush had to be prevented from bombing the Canary Islands.

Dog walks into wild west saloon and says ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw’

“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward”.

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live”.

When it comes to charity, a lot of people will stop at nothing.

Obese children aren’t greedy, they just have slow metabolisms…oh and very fast chip eating hands.

At the Gym I asked the trainer “Can you help me do the splits?” He said “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays”

In the Chinese restaurant a duck came up to me & said “your eyes are like stars”. I said “Waiter I asked for Aromatic duck”.

I went to the supermarket to complain about the lumps in my vinegar, the shop assistant said “those are pickled onions”.

I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.. When I rang her the next day I asked “Did you get my drift?”

I went to the doctor’s – he said “you’ve got hypochondria”… I said…”Not that as well!”

“I told my son, some day you’ll have kids of your own and he said, ya, so will you.”

What did the bulldog say to the alligator? Hey dude, why the long face?

Q: Why did the strawberry go out with the plum? A: Because he could not find a date.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No eye deer.

Q: What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom? A: He’s a real fun guy [fungi].”

q: what do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? a: a stick.

A buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, “make me one with everything.”

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said Thyroid problem?’

two guys walk into a bar. you’d think one of them would have seen it.

How can you tell when a computer programmer has had sex? When he’s washing the pepper spray out of his eyes.

How do you tell if a blogger is extroverted? When he talks with you, he looks at your shoes.

How many copywriters does it take to change a light bulb? Ans: Zero – A good copywriter convinces their readers to change it!

Why are pirates happy? A: Because they ARRRRR!!!

Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says “Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here”

a woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre. so the bartender gave it to her.

“Bad news & worse news. Bad news is you have 24 hrs to live.” Patient:”Worse news?” Doc:”I meant to call you yesterday.”

Well, there was the man who ran over himself. He couldn’t get anyone to go to the store for him, so he ran over himself.

Why did the computer cross the road? *to get a byte to eat*

I asked my wife “what do you call an exploding monkey?” I had “a baboom” as a punchline. She shot back: “an orangubang!”

Hey, what’s brown and sticky? *A stick*

6 thoughts on “140 character jokes

  1. bc says:

    At the Gym I asked the trainer “Can you help me do the splits?” He said “How flexible are you?” I Said
    “I can’t make Tuesdays.’
    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!11!! Shit. I love that one, too.
    Okay, the brown and sticky joke WAS in there and I managed to clip it out. Must have been the first or last one. I’ll put it back!

    Like

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