funny twitters

Some days I just have to share.  In retrospect I suppose this is all completely twisted, but,  I still have to share.  You’ve been warned.

wilw: I just realized that today was the first day I put ascii dicks on my blog. My inner seventh-grader is so pleased, he’s making hand farts.
Our marriage counselor just put a switchblade on the table, left the room, and locked the door. What do you guys think I — omg she’s fast

awryone@fireland: She killed herself, right?
hotdogsladies:  Without MUNI, it’d be way harder to find a guy yelling at his burrito while the lady next to him trims her toenails.


Him: I like the glasses.
Very sexy librarian.
Me: If you don’t return your books, I’ll charge late fees.
Him: You’re not doing it right.

Okay, now this next conversation made me howl when it started rolling through.  These guys are um, gross, but it makes my inner 5th grader laugh like a maniac.  Okay, really, that’s about where my humor generally is, anyway.  Poop joke, anyone?
SeoulBrother: Lazy web:  is it “pussy-farts” or “pussyfarts?”  it’s not in the AP Style book.

(next day….)

SeoulBrother: Good morning and thanks for all your feedback regarding ‘pussy farts.’ I’ve decided to go another direction and use ‘pfart’ instead.

“Vag tuba, fuck turbulence and busty trombone” made strong candidates however they all lacked the dainty elegance of ‘pfart.’

awryone@SeoulBrother: Is that a silent P? As in Michelle Pfeiffer pfarted?

Whatever happened to “queef”?  There’s already a word for this, dude.  Read a book.

hotdogsladies: You laugh, @SeoulBrother.  Eleanor’s “Music Together” CD has a trilly, very earnest folk song called, “My Lady Wind.”  Hand to God.

smartasshat@SeoulBrother: Another thing to consider: How do we insert Pfister into this conversation?

SeoulBrother@Moltz:  Thanks to you, I now associate ‘queef’ with yogurt.…  You always have to ruin everything.

awryone: Suggested by @Moltz: a book about queefing. As long as its an AUDIO BOOK, I’m buyin’!

Moltz: Working title for my upcoming book about queefing: Passion Times Voice.

smartasshat:  I would like to request that @Moltz’ queef book be scratch n’ sniff.

SeoulBrotherI couldn’t think of a more appropriate use of the iTMS affiliate program than this (ht @hotdogsladies)

Moltz: Twitter: because you’d get fired if you had these conversations in the workplace.

6 thoughts on “funny twitters

  1. bc says:

    Daisy, honey, you are missing the boat on this. It does NOT have to take over your life (tho it probably will for a little while) and it’s vastly entertaining. With your funny quips you’d probably be a star, and be in the middle of conversations like the queef bit on a regular basis.
    Twitter is fun.


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