October 31, 2006
The Top 17 Signs Your Halloween Party Is Sucking
17> Over half your guests came as either “Fat Elvis” or
16> Best costume award belongs to Eric, who is simply wearing
a name tag that says, “Bill.”
15> Spooky moaning and wailing on the stereo is drowned out by
moaning and wailing from everybody who tried the clam dip.
14> Those Taliban fellas in the corner aren’t liking the bunny
13> Mr. Whiskers makes a cute pirate and Buttons is a perfect
fairy princess, but your other 38 cats don’t seem to have
the holiday spirit.
12> Elvira showed up wearing a turtleneck.
11> Those guys dressed as the Indian, the cowboy, the sailor and
the construction worker are getting their asses kicked on your
front lawn by about a dozen guys in really good cop costumes.
10> “Sure, we’d LOVE to hear you rap ‘The Monster Mash’ again,
9> You asked the wife to think up something *really* scary, so
she threw out the liquor and stocked the fridge with Aquafina.
8> The girl in the hooker costume you thought was the babysitter
is “sitting” for your husband and his friends in the locked
7> By nine, the three remaining guests are huddled around your
TV watching “Sabado Gigante.”
6> Oddly enough, “Congressman Foley” and “Harry Potter” have
5> After you showed up in that Grim Reaper costume, half of the
Quiet Acres Retirement Home residents had to Rascal back to
their suites and change costumes.
4> The woman dressed as Angelina Jolie insists on taking your
newborn with her when she leaves.
3> Just as you’re meeting your boss’s wife, your 4-year-old
enters the room with your wife’s strap-on dildo on her head,
proclaiming she’s a unicorn.
2> “Dick Cheney” waterboards the hostess to find out where
the good beer is.
and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Sign Your Halloween Party Is Sucking…
1> Disappointed, hungry zombies are shuffling their way over
from Jessica Simpson’s house next door.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2006 by Chris White ]
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