UWOD

October 30: mantrum

when a grown man throws a tantrum when he can’t have his way.

Rick had a mantrum when he found out he couldn’t have McDonald’s for dinner

I’m happy to report I have married a man who has never had a mantrum in front of me.  Last one … not so much.

Dated but seasonal

October 31, 2006

        The Top 17 Signs Your Halloween Party Is Sucking

17> Over half your guests came as either “Fat Elvis” or
   “Fat Britney.”

16> Best costume award belongs to Eric, who is simply wearing
   a name tag that says, “Bill.”

15> Spooky moaning and wailing on the stereo is drowned out by
   moaning and wailing from everybody who tried the clam dip.

14> Those Taliban fellas in the corner aren’t liking the bunny
   ears/burqa combo.

13> Mr. Whiskers makes a cute pirate and Buttons is a perfect
   fairy princess, but your other 38 cats don’t seem to have
   the holiday spirit.

12> Elvira showed up wearing a turtleneck.

11> Those guys dressed as the Indian, the cowboy, the sailor and
   the construction worker are getting their asses kicked on your
   front lawn by about a dozen guys in really good cop costumes.

10> “Sure, we’d LOVE to hear you rap ‘The Monster Mash’ again,
   K-Fed.”

 9> You asked the wife to think up something *really* scary, so
   she threw out the liquor and stocked the fridge with Aquafina.

 8> The girl in the hooker costume you thought was the babysitter
   is “sitting” for your husband and his friends in the locked
   basement.

 7> By nine, the three remaining guests are huddled around your
   TV watching “Sabado Gigante.”

 6> Oddly enough, “Congressman Foley” and “Harry Potter” have
   both disappeared.

 5> After you showed up in that Grim Reaper costume, half of the
   Quiet Acres Retirement Home residents had to Rascal back to
   their suites and change costumes.

 4> The woman dressed as Angelina Jolie insists on taking your
   newborn with her when she leaves.

 3> Just as you’re meeting your boss’s wife, your 4-year-old
   enters the room with your wife’s strap-on dildo on her head,
   proclaiming she’s a unicorn.

 2> “Dick Cheney” waterboards the hostess to find out where
   the good beer is.

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Sign Your Halloween Party Is Sucking…

 1> Disappointed, hungry zombies are shuffling their way over
   from Jessica Simpson’s house next door.

            [  The Top 5 List   www.topfive.com  ]
            [   Copyright 2006 by Chris White    ]

UWOD

October 28: Northwest Nap

A very deep sleep where you are unable to hear telephones, text messages, and even the Air Force.

Named to honor the two fine pilots from Northwest Airlines and their little “in flight snooze”

“Dude, I was so tired yesterday afternoon, I took a Northwest Nap. My girl called me 15 times and I didn’t hear a thing”

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Heh.  Gonna be awhile before they live that down.

——————————–

This just in:

Off-course pilots were laptopping-while-flying

Posted: 27 Oct 2009 10:57 AM PDT

Two pilots on a Northwest Airlines flight bound for Minneapolis, MN flew past the airport in error last week, and federal investigators now report that this was caused by laptop distraction in the cockpit. Northwest has just gone through a merger, and the pilots were apparently kvetching to one another about the confusing new scheduling system imposed post-merger.
“Each pilot accessed and used his personal laptop computer while they discussed the airline crew flight scheduling procedure,” the NTSB report said. More from the New York Times.

The pilots told the National Transportation Safety Board that they missed their destination because they had taken out their personal laptops in the cockpit, a violation of airline policy, so the first officer, Richard I. Cole, could tutor the captain, Timothy B. Cheney, in a new scheduling system put in place by Delta Air Lines, which acquired Northwest last fall.

from the headlines

“Balloon Boy? Well that’s just great. Now I got over 1,000 ‘Helium Lad’ T-shirts that Kinko’s won’t take back.”

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🙂  I get so surprised at anything that makes me laugh these days …

this is from today’s Top5 list – courtesy of Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX