October 31, 2006

        The Top 17 Signs Your Halloween Party Is Sucking

17> Over half your guests came as either “Fat Elvis” or
   “Fat Britney.”

16> Best costume award belongs to Eric, who is simply wearing
   a name tag that says, “Bill.”

15> Spooky moaning and wailing on the stereo is drowned out by
   moaning and wailing from everybody who tried the clam dip.

14> Those Taliban fellas in the corner aren’t liking the bunny
   ears/burqa combo.

13> Mr. Whiskers makes a cute pirate and Buttons is a perfect
   fairy princess, but your other 38 cats don’t seem to have
   the holiday spirit.

12> Elvira showed up wearing a turtleneck.

11> Those guys dressed as the Indian, the cowboy, the sailor and
   the construction worker are getting their asses kicked on your
   front lawn by about a dozen guys in really good cop costumes.

10> “Sure, we’d LOVE to hear you rap ‘The Monster Mash’ again,
   K-Fed.”

 9> You asked the wife to think up something *really* scary, so
   she threw out the liquor and stocked the fridge with Aquafina.

 8> The girl in the hooker costume you thought was the babysitter
   is “sitting” for your husband and his friends in the locked
   basement.

 7> By nine, the three remaining guests are huddled around your
   TV watching “Sabado Gigante.”

 6> Oddly enough, “Congressman Foley” and “Harry Potter” have
   both disappeared.

 5> After you showed up in that Grim Reaper costume, half of the
   Quiet Acres Retirement Home residents had to Rascal back to
   their suites and change costumes.

 4> The woman dressed as Angelina Jolie insists on taking your
   newborn with her when she leaves.

 3> Just as you’re meeting your boss’s wife, your 4-year-old
   enters the room with your wife’s strap-on dildo on her head,
   proclaiming she’s a unicorn.

 2> “Dick Cheney” waterboards the hostess to find out where
   the good beer is.

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Sign Your Halloween Party Is Sucking…

 1> Disappointed, hungry zombies are shuffling their way over
   from Jessica Simpson’s house next door.

            [  The Top 5 List   www.topfive.com  ]
            [   Copyright 2006 by Chris White    ]