UWOD

November 29: Thanksgiving Beard

An unintentional beard started over the 4 day Thanksgiving weekend, where you’re too lazy to shave it off monday morning. Usually continues until Christmas or New Year’s Day.

Also known as a Holiday Beard

Boss: You look like you haven’t shaved in days. That’s unprofessional.
Employee: Sir, that’s my Thanksgiving beard. It’s my way of honoring our forefathers.
Boss: Oh, I didn’t realize that. Maybe I’ll grow one too.

Little-Known Facts About Thanksgiving

November 24, 2009
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Today’s BRAND NEW list was compiled
from submissions carefully crafted by you,
our lovely and talented ClubTop5 members.
The Top 15 Little-Known Facts About Thanksgiving
(Part I)
15> The first turkey dressing occurred because the Pilgrims were
such prigs, the “nude” turkey was roasted in an actual dress.
14> The Pilgrims had a completely different meaning for the phrase
“stuffing your bird.”
13> The native women’s habit of walking around half-naked caused
many Pilgrim teenagers to remain seated at the table until
very late in the evening.
12> First choice of name for the holiday — “Gorge ‘n’ Puke Day”
— was deemed a little extreme by church leaders.
11> The first Indian corn casserole was made with real Indians.
10> The wide leather belts worn by the Pilgrims weren’t actually
leather, but rubber, invented by Myles Standish so he wouldn’t
need to unbuckle after the feast.
9> The First Thanksgiving dinner contained no meat as the
most influential Pilgrims were vegetarians. At the second
Thanksgiving, *they* were eaten by the others, and meat
was acceptable fare again.
8> The term “scalping tickets” was coined at the first
Thanksgiving Football game between the Redskins and Patriots.
7> Prior to the current tradition of the president pardoning a
turkey at the White House, custom required the Secretary of
Agriculture to kill the bird with his bare hands.
6> The word “Thanksgiving” was derived from the full name of
the famous forefather who started it all, Hank Skiffing.
5> The first box of Stovetop Stuffing just sat on the Pilgrims’
table, as if it were waiting for something.
4> The average turducken is less than three percent turd.
3> The popular “pop-up turkey timer” was based on an embarrassing
incident involving Myles Standish and a felted beaver hat.
2> The tradition of dressing up as Pilgrims and Indians started
in 1621 with the musicians hired to entertain at the dinner.
They also had a cop, a construction worker and a biker, but
no one knew what those costumes were, so those were abandoned
in 1622.
and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Little-Known Fact About Thanksgiving…
1> Americans feast on 535 million pounds of turkey
on Thanksgiving. That’s enough tryptophan to make
Amy Winehouse blink heavily for 10 seconds.
[ Copyright 2009 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

November 24, 2009

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

Today’s BRAND NEW list was compiled

from submissions carefully crafted by you,

our lovely and talented ClubTop5 members.

The Top 15 Little-Known Facts About Thanksgiving

(Part I)

15> The first turkey dressing occurred because the Pilgrims were

such prigs, the “nude” turkey was roasted in an actual dress.

14> The Pilgrims had a completely different meaning for the phrase

“stuffing your bird.”

13> The native women’s habit of walking around half-naked caused

many Pilgrim teenagers to remain seated at the table until

very late in the evening.

12> First choice of name for the holiday — “Gorge ‘n’ Puke Day”

— was deemed a little extreme by church leaders.

11> The first Indian corn casserole was made with real Indians.

10> The wide leather belts worn by the Pilgrims weren’t actually

leather, but rubber, invented by Myles Standish so he wouldn’t

need to unbuckle after the feast.

9> The First Thanksgiving dinner contained no meat as the

most influential Pilgrims were vegetarians. At the second

Thanksgiving, *they* were eaten by the others, and meat

was acceptable fare again.

8> The term “scalping tickets” was coined at the first

Thanksgiving Football game between the Redskins and Patriots.

7> Prior to the current tradition of the president pardoning a

turkey at the White House, custom required the Secretary of

Agriculture to kill the bird with his bare hands.

6> The word “Thanksgiving” was derived from the full name of

the famous forefather who started it all, Hank Skiffing.

5> The first box of Stovetop Stuffing just sat on the Pilgrims’

table, as if it were waiting for something.

4> The average turducken is less than three percent turd.

3> The popular “pop-up turkey timer” was based on an embarrassing

incident involving Myles Standish and a felted beaver hat.

2> The tradition of dressing up as Pilgrims and Indians started

in 1621 with the musicians hired to entertain at the dinner.

They also had a cop, a construction worker and a biker, but

no one knew what those costumes were, so those were abandoned

in 1622.

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Little-Known Fact About Thanksgiving…

1> Americans feast on 535 million pounds of turkey

on Thanksgiving. That’s enough tryptophan to make

Amy Winehouse blink heavily for 10 seconds.

[ Copyright 2009 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

Thought for the Season

fullydressed

Also, I just read SJ’s blog for the first time in ages (she had stopped writing for awhile to regroup, I believe) and she had written a hilarious paragraph which I shall share with you forthwith.  I probably like it because I’m hoping for something like this to happon to me, too.

“YOU GUYS, I ALMOST DIED! Okay, that is a slight exaggeration, and by “slight” I mean “not true at all.” What happon is that I started a new job that is making me 79% less homicidal. YEAH! I love it. No more veal pen. They can see my smart as if my head is transparent and they are going to use it. I feel confused being in a place where diligence and cleverness is rewarded, but I will probably adjust.”

TRKY_DIN

Happy Thanksgiving, People.

givethanks

One of the groups I belong to for the non-profit sector had a whole tweet day dedicated to things they were thankful for.  It was a nice thought but gaggingly boring to follow. These tech people… non-profits in particular ….

Just for the record, I’m thankful every goddamned day and I think about it.  Seriously.  I’ve somehow managed to get this old with all four limbs intact, most of my own teeth, and vision that is a 1000 times better than I was born with.  I’m mostly healthy and strong, have a marriage that is an 88-90 on a 1 to -10o scale after 7 years (last one was about a 22 after 7 years) and a job that I used to like a lot for many years and will soon be leaving.

That last bit is … I’m thankful I believe I can still rally and go get hired somewhere else.  I wasn’t thinking that way for awhile.  Someone will figure out I’m a jewel and be thrilled to have me and I will be a great asset to their business.

And another thing:  I’m so old I’m not going to get H1N1 this year.  I like that. A benefit to old age that doesn’t hurt!

qa_graphA

UWOD

November 24: Trailer Fraud

#1: “Boy that film sucked !”
#2: ” Yeah, wtf did we just watch ?” 
#1 : “Dunno, the trailer looked good.”
Both : “Trailer Fraud !”

When a trailer misrepresents the movie it advertises. When you view the actual movie, you see the trailer has nothing to do with the narrative, characters or plot. You are a victim of trailer fraud.

Bad Science Joke Day

In an alternate reality, this is considered funny stuff.   No, really!  The staph one made me guffaw.  Aw, hell, I liked all of them.  These are mostly from Brian Malow and funny commenter peeps at BoingBoing

——————

“Werner Heisenberg MAY have slept here.”

Shroedinger’s cat walked into a bar.
But it didn’t.

Infection walks into a bar. Barkeep says, “We don’t serve your kind
here!”
Infection says, “Well, you’re not a very good host!”

Two bacteria walk into a bar. Bartender says,”we don’t serve bacteria
here.” Bacteria replies,”but we work here! We’re staph!”

The hydrogen atom says to the oxygen atom, “Hey buddy, have you seen an electron around here? I seem to have lost mine.”
“Are you sure you lost it?” the oxygen atom asks.
And the hydrogen atom says, “I’m positive!”

So an infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says “I hate you guys” and pours two beers.

A Large Hadron Collider walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we don’t serve large hadron colliders in here.”
The Large Hadron Collider says, “That’s OK. I’m broke, anyway.”

A Lichen walks into a bar. The bartender says “we don’t serve your Kind in here.” The Lichen says “that’s O.K., we don’t drink.”

A photon checks into a hotel. The bell hop asks him ” Can I help you with your luggage?” To which the photon replies, “I don’t have any. I’m traveling light.”

A neutron goes into a bar and orders a beer. As the neutron is reaching for its wallet, the bartender looks at it and says, “Oh, for you–no charge.”