Matthew Baldwin has come up with a great list of 10 things to buy last minute. Definitely worth a read, here’s part of it:
There was a time when “Yankee ingenuity” meant inventing an airplane or splitting the atom, but that was before the eighth season of Laverne & Shirley reduced our national IQ to just a smidge over π (pi). The best we can do these days is to foist the world’s stupidest product on our former BFFs. Thus: Snuggie for Dogs!!! Yes, following on the heels of Binder Clip: For Cats!! and The Wire Season 3 DVD Box Set: For Ferrets!!, the makers of the all-fleece SfD!! would have you believe that shaving the hair off one animal and putting it on another isn’t just a hobby for the criminally insane. Still, if you know someone who (1) was dumb enough to have bought a Snuggie for themselves; and (2) refers to their mutt by some ridiculous portmanteau like “labradoodle” or “bullshihtz,” you probably can’t go wrong with this swatch of fastenable idiocy.
As the paramount scholar of our time recently observed, “Earth saw clmate chnge4 ions;will cont 2 c chnges.R duty2responsbly devlop resorces4humankind/not pollute&destroy;but cant alter naturl chng” (that’s verbatim, God love ’er). How Sarah Palin packs so much thinkin’ into 140 characters is beyond me, but clearly we must harness her power for the good of mankind. And as most philosophers do their best cogitation while isolated, I suggest that we all chip in, buy her a 1.88-acre island off the coast of Alaska, and have her confined to her new home by law, armed only with a lifetime supply of moose jerky and a pair of red pumps. She’ll still need access to her Twitter account, of course, to ensure that her further proclamations on global warming receive the audience they deserve. 2010: “thx4 the iland guyz ur the best”; 2015: “izzit my magination or is this place gettin smallr?”; 2020: “halp I could use a ‘bailout’ lol.”