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C  L  U  B  T  O  P  5

Preferred by 4 out of 5 proctologists.

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January 12, 2010

The Top 20 News Headlines Predicted for 2010

20> Secret Service Screwup Allows George W. Bush to Sneak Back

Into White House

19> Report: TSA Airport Body Scanners Target “Bra Bomber”

Demographic

18> Medical Marijuana Laws Create Huge Buzz

17> “Avatar” Sweeps Oscars, Cameron Claims “I’m King of the Smurfs”

16> Chesley Sullenberger Safely Lands US Economy

15> Joseph Jackson Announces “Michael: The Disinterred Cadaver

Tour”

14> New Sleep Study Shows C-Span More Effective Than Ambien

13> USA Switches to New “So You Think You Can Be President?”

Reality Electoral System

12> Archaeologists: Mayan Calendar Calculation Off by Two Ye

11> Madonna, Jolie Announce Joint Plans for Sneaker Sweatsho–

er, Factory

10> Palin to Appear on “Real Housewives of Caribou County”

9> International Voters Surprise Obama with Olympic Figure

Skating Medal, Miss Universe Crown

8> Iran Claims Recently Discovered Nuclear Facility Just Used

“to Burn Ants”

7> Obama Courts GOP Support by Proposing Universal Wealth Care

6> Global Warming Blamed for Tipper Gore’s Hot Flashes

5> GOP Retakes House and Senate, Returns to Being in Favor of

Out-of-Control Spending and Prolonging War

4> Miley Cyrus Latest Disney Nymphette to Board Bullet Train

to Slutsville

3> Environmental Impact Study Halts Gosselin-Suleman Wedding

2> Climate Change Deniers Missing in Cancun Blizzard

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 News Headline Predicted for 2010…

1> Alert Airline Passengers Tackle, Restrain Tiger Woods’ Penis

[ Copyright 2010 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]