Not always right

I know this website has been around for a long time but these were making me howl tonight.

For Signs Of Stupidity, The Buck Stops Here

Government | Maine, USA

(We are responsible for the placement of traffic signs. I get this call from a resident where we just placed a deer Crossing sign.)

Me: “Hello, [government office]. How may I help you?”

Resident: “Yes, you just placed a Deer Crossing sign down the street from my house.”

Me: “That’s right.”

Resident: “Well, I am not happy with its location. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of deer cross the roads in my neighborhood.”

Me: “What is your concern about its location?”

Resident: “I’d like you to move it down the road a few yards. It would be a lot more convenient if the deer knew to cross there. Can you do that before they get used to it where it is?

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Sadly Just Small-Fry

Fast Food | New York, NY, USA

Customer: “Hi, I’d like some of your free Wi-fries.”

Me: “Um, excuse me?”

Customer: “I heard on your commercial that you were offering free Wi-fries.”

Me: “Oh, you must have misunderstood. It means we offer free wireless internet here, not free fries.”

Customer: “Oh man, I was looking forward to trying a new kind of fry.”

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Remote Possibilities Are A Waste Of Time

Tech Support | PEI, Canada

Customer: “My cable box is broken.”

Me: “What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Roughly every 1 minute the channel goes up. I tried turning it off and on, I tried unplugging it, I made sure no one was sitting on the remote, nothing works, you guys gave me a broken box!”

Me: “What does it currently show on the front of the box sir?”

Customer: “Channel 932.”

Me: “And what time is it sir?”

Customer: “9:32. Oh.” *hangs up*

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Definitely Not To Be

Bookstore | Ft. Myers, FL, USA

Customer: “Hello, do you happen to have a copy of Hamlet?”

Me: “Yes we do. Let me show you to it.”

Customer: “Well, actually, do you have an audio version of it?”

Me: “Hmm, maybe. Let me look it up.”

Customer: “Okay, but can you make sure it’s one read by the author?”

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Microbrain

Tech Support | New York, NY, USA

Caller: “This f***ing computer won’t work!”

Me: “Can you describe the problem?”

Caller: “Whenever I click on something, this stupid little hourglass won’t go away!”

Me: “Are you sure it’s not frozen?”

Caller: “You think this is some kind of joke! I don’t leave my computer in the snow!”

(I try to explain several times what the term ‘frozen’ means.)

Caller: “So, how do I heat it up? Never mind! Why do I even call you people? I’ll just stick it in the microwave to heat it up. Thanks for nothing!” *hangs up*

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