top 5 – oldie but goodie

I think I will need to quiz my son and his baby mama on this.
————————————————————-
Today’s list was originally published on June 6, 2005.

The Top 16 Signs You’re Not Cut Out for Parenthood

16> You’re really, really, REALLY into sex, sleep and money.

15> Your plan for paying for braces revolves around something
called a “trifecta.”

14> You show your kids how to give back to the community —
by the side of the freeway in an orange jumpsuit.

13> You walk into the baby store and ask for the “crib with
the most bling, yo.”

12> Other parents: getting on wait lists for all the right schools.
You: getting on the wait list for the Neverland Ranch.

11> The four basic food groups at your house: Licorice, Jim Beam,
Suzy Qs and Pall Malls.

10> “Breast pumps are expensive, honey. That thing we use on
the bike tires will work just fine.”

9> The Gerber-filled dog dish is in the crib and the lullaby
CD is programmed on a loop — you and the Mrs. are ready
for the Crue concert!

8> Other dads play baseball with their sons. You simply teach
Junior how to purchase and inject steroids.

7> You’re the founder and sole proprietor of Dingoland.

6> You get tongue-tied when you try to say “For the love of
God, be quiet for 30 seconds while I take a crap!”

5> “It’s all right, Honey, I washed her on the ‘delicate’ cycle!”

4> You really enjoy watching the birthing film — backwards!

3> You’re embarrassed to be seen with your 2-year-old daughter
because those designer diapers make her ass look fat.

2> Rather than shell out for toys, you told kids Santa
intentionally flew sleigh into skyscraper.

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Sign
You’re Not Cut Out for Parenthood…

1> “Make a poo-poo, do a shot!”

[ The Top 5 List http://www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2005 by Chris White ]

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