top 5 – oldie but goodie

I think I will need to quiz my son and his baby mama on this.
Today’s list was originally published on June 6, 2005.

The Top 16 Signs You’re Not Cut Out for Parenthood

16> You’re really, really, REALLY into sex, sleep and money.

15> Your plan for paying for braces revolves around something
called a “trifecta.”

14> You show your kids how to give back to the community —
by the side of the freeway in an orange jumpsuit.

13> You walk into the baby store and ask for the “crib with
the most bling, yo.”

12> Other parents: getting on wait lists for all the right schools.
You: getting on the wait list for the Neverland Ranch.

11> The four basic food groups at your house: Licorice, Jim Beam,
Suzy Qs and Pall Malls.

10> “Breast pumps are expensive, honey. That thing we use on
the bike tires will work just fine.”

9> The Gerber-filled dog dish is in the crib and the lullaby
CD is programmed on a loop — you and the Mrs. are ready
for the Crue concert!

8> Other dads play baseball with their sons. You simply teach
Junior how to purchase and inject steroids.

7> You’re the founder and sole proprietor of Dingoland.

6> You get tongue-tied when you try to say “For the love of
God, be quiet for 30 seconds while I take a crap!”

5> “It’s all right, Honey, I washed her on the ‘delicate’ cycle!”

4> You really enjoy watching the birthing film — backwards!

3> You’re embarrassed to be seen with your 2-year-old daughter
because those designer diapers make her ass look fat.

2> Rather than shell out for toys, you told kids Santa
intentionally flew sleigh into skyscraper.

and’s Number 1 Sign
You’re Not Cut Out for Parenthood…

1> “Make a poo-poo, do a shot!”

[ The Top 5 List ]
[ Copyright 2005 by Chris White ]