William Shakespeare: “2BR!2B WTF?”

Some days Chris really nails it with the TopFive.  This is SUCH a great topic!   I hope it goes on for days.  The runners up (bottom) are just as funny as the ones that made the list.
February 9, 2011

The Top 15 Tweets From Historical Figures
(Part I)

15> Captain of the Titanic: “Going to bed early – a monkey could
run this ship.”

14> Jeffrey Dahmer: “So hungry. Who’s around for dinner?”

13> Confucius: “OMG! i know what’s the sound of 1 hand tweeting
and the other on the wheel honking horn while im screaming
‘learn to drive, a-hole!'”

12> Benedict Arnold: “How you like me now, bitches?”

11> Francis Scott Key: “O say can’t you sing? WTF, Xtina?!”

10> Alexander Graham Bell: “watson, what r u wearing? lol!!!11!”

9> Adolf Hitler: “Yet another gallery rejected my artwork.

8> Robert E. Lee: “I’m bailing out on the Union and taking my
talents to the South.”

7> Julius Caesar: “Good2Know Senate Has GotMyBack”

6> Martin Luther King, Jr.: “Had a dream last nite. Too deep
to post here, but MAAAAAAAN was it inSAYne!!!”

5> General George Custer: “where all the indians at? there aint
nobody h– F@@K!”

4> Orville Wright: “hey @bro seatcushN = flot8tion device ;-)”

3> George Washington: “Crossing Delaware. Ugh. They made me
stand near the front in case I barf.”

2> Joan of Arc: “Going out for stake (sp?). BRB”

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Tweet From an Historical Figure…

1> Abraham Lincoln: “This play sux, im so bored. someone pls
shoot me”

[ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

“Tweet Thins”    and    “Twistory”
The Runner Up and Honorable Mention submissions
for today’s list come later in this message.
Selected from 134 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:
Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA            —  1, 14  (15th #1)
Richard Skora, Columbus, OH            —  1  (26th #1)
Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA          —  2  (Hall of Famer)
David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA         —  3, 15
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA           —  4  (Hall of Famer)
Lisette Dugas, Fredericton, NB, Canada —  5
Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA           —  5
Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID        —  6
Julie Nusbaum, Hamilton, IN            —  7
David Kass, Queens, NY                 —  8  (Hall of Famer)
John English, Orem, UT                 —  9
Kim Moser, New York, NY                — 10  (Hall of Famer)
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA           — 11
Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA         — 11
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA            — 12  (Hall of Famer)
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH              — 13  (Hall of Famer)
Richard Koppinger, Old Bridge, NJ      — Topic
Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ          — Banner Tag
Chris White, Studio City, CA           — List owner/editor

The Runner Up & Honorable Mention submissions

Tweets From Historical Figures
RUNNERS UP list  —  Tweet Thins

Anne Boleyn: “Been doin’ the math, peeps: 1 Tudor hottie –
Catherine of AraGONE! = Hank + Anne 4ever! LMHO!”
(Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL)

Ben Franklin: “This ‘early to bed’ shit is really getting old.”
(Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ)

Douglas MacArthur: “I shall update.”
(Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

Genghis Kahn: “Woohoo! Just OWNED the Jin Dynasty!! Emperor
Xuanzong’s on the run! Mongols Rule!”
(Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT)

Jeffrey Dahmer: “Potluck at my house was epic! And everyone loved
my beef Stu!”
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)

Patrick Henry: “Give me liberty or give me… oooh, Twinkies!”
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)

Ronald Reagan: “Um, hello? Where do I talk into this thing?”
(Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan)

Sir Lancelot: “Damn! Arthur’s wife Guinevere is hawt!
(Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY)

Thoreau: “Who needs 140 characters when 60 should suffice?
(Kim Moser, New York, NY)

William Shakespeare: “2BR!2B WTF?”
(Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA)

Runners Up list name
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

Tweets From Historical Figures
HONORABLE MENTIONS list  —  Twistory

Abraham Lincoln: “This play is 2 die 4!”
(Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA)

Adam: “Nature, serenity, cool animals and not a soul around —
this place totally *ROCKS*! Hey, where’s my rib?”
(Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID)

Alexander Graham Bell: “Where’s Watson when I need him? I wish
somebody would invent a f**king answering machine.”
(Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX)

Amelia Earhart: “Still trying to find that damn island. It’s gotta
be around here somewhere.”
(Kim Stewart, Dunedin, New Zealand)

Apostle Peter: “Has anyone seen Judas? Centurions are on the way
and we need more man-power.”
(David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA)

Christopher Columbus: “I’m taking my boats to South Beach”
(Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA)

Christopher Columbus: “Numbnuts navigator steered us completely
wrong! How the hell am I gonna get some moo goo gai pan now?!”
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)

Franklin D. Roosevelt: “japs will bomb pearl harbor? yeah right.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

George Washington: “Just showed that m#therf#ckin’ cherry tree
who’s boss.”
(Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID)

Ike Turner: “@LeggyTee I seen that &$!# you sayin woman >:-Z #smack
(Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan)

Jesus Christ: “yo, anti-gay marriage folks: what part of ‘love thy
neighbor’ did you not understand?”
(Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA)

Joan of Arc: “IM way 2 young 2 B going through hot flashes!!”
(Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH)

Julius Caesar: “Veni Vidi Parti!”
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)

Lizzie Borden: “They had to acquit ’cause the handle don’t fit.”
(Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

Mary Todd Lincoln: “And the seats were really uncomfortable to
(Andy Grosser, Boston, MA)

Noah: “WTF is a Cubit?”
(Julie Nusbaum, Hamilton, IN)

Socrates: “I thought you said this drug would get me high!”
(Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA)

Honorable Mentions list name
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)

3 thoughts on “William Shakespeare: “2BR!2B WTF?”

  1. MairMair says:

    OMG!!!!!!!! 1> Abraham Lincoln: “This play sux, im so bored. someone pls
    shoot me” That made me spit out my drink and LAUGH OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!


  2. Beth says:

    YESS!! The followup list today wasn’t quite as funny; I thought it would be hysterical, too. I’ll add them to the end of this later and you can judge for yourself.


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