Best comment thread of all time

So, this is the funniest comment thread I’ve ever seen.  From Gawker. I copied and pasted just so I could read it forever.

It’s a Food Product, Essentially’: Fox News Starts Spinning Pepper Spray Cops

Tonight, Fox News hosts Bill O’Reilly and Megyn Kelly got to talking about a UC Davis police officer’s appalling use of pepper spray on nonviolent protesters over the weekend. Guess what direction the conversation took!

If you guessed “needlessly deferential to authority and dismissive to the suffering of protesters,” you guessed correctly!

“I don’t think we have the right to Monday-morning quarterback the police,” O’Reilly says, “particularly at a place like UC Davis, which is a fairly liberal campus.” God forbid! We’d never want to question Lt. John Pike’s decision to generously and indifferently dust peacefully sitting protesters with pepper spray from only a few feet away. Especially given that Davis is, you know, a liberal campus! And, gosh, even if we were going to Monday-morning quarterback the police, shouldn’t we remember, as Megyn Kelly tells O’Reilly, that pepper spray is “a food product, essentially”?

Now, look, Kelly and O’Reilly aren’t saying the cops did the right thing! God, no! “I agree [the tape] looks bad,” Kelly says. It’s just that the protesters were sitting in a place where they weren’t allowed to sit, so it’s kind of their own fault! And in any event what right do we have to judge a cop for spraying a simple food product on the faces of a bunch of liberal college kids doing something criminal? You know? Maybe he was just trying to feed them?

Megyn Kelly on fire hoses: “It’s a sports beverage, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on police dogs: “It’s a family pet, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on tasers: “It’s static cling, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on rubber bullets: “It’s a pencil eraser, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on hand grenades: “It’s a Fourth of July firework, essentially! God bless America.”
Megyn Kelly on beanbag rounds: “It’s a game of cornhole, essentially!”

promoted by yourfriendandmine
Megyn Kelly on brains; “It’s skull space-filler, essentially.”
Megyn Kelly on nightsticks: “It’s an olive branch, essentially!”
Excellent meme material..make it happen!
Megyn Kelly on waterboarding: “It’s a water park ride essentially!”

promoted by yourfriendandmine
Megyn Kelly on Auschwitz: “It was a three star hotel, essentially.”
Megyn Kelly on fingernail extraction: “It’s a mani-pedi, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on genital mutilation: “It’s a Brazilian wax, essentially!”
Megan Kelly on her haircut: “It’s a style, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on vet beatings: “It’s greeting liberators, essentially!”
I was going to say:Megyn Kelly on waterboarding: “It’s a Neti Pot, essentially!”

promoted by Rozelle’s Bagman
Megyn Kelly on being laid off when your wife is pregnant: “It’s European style family leave, essentially.”

promoted by Rozelle’s Bagman
Megyn Kelly on zip-tie handcuffs: “It’s a Livestrong bracelet, essentially.”

Edited by Rozelle’s Bagman at 11/21/11 11:49 PM
Megyn Kelly on Jerry Sandusky: “He was having sex, essentially”.
Megyn Kelly on HIV: “It’s a common cold, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on the 9/11 hijackings: “They were like that Steve Miller Band Jet Airliner song, essentially.”
Megyn Kelly on tear gas: “It’s like a sad story, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on flashbangs: “It’s like a surprise party, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on sleep deprivation: “It’s like a cup o’ Joe, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on stress positions: “It’s like yoga, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on mock executions: “It’s like make-believe, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on the rack: “It’s a chiropractor, essentially!”

promoted by Rozelle’s Bagman
Megyn Kelly on her lipstick: “it’s a fashion statement, I am just a mouth”.
Megyn Kelly on the deaths of Tupac and Biggy: “They were a product of feuds, essentially!”

Edited by RealAmurrican at 11/22/11 2:35 AM
Megyn Kelly on mustard gas: “It’s a hot dog condiment, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on nuclear weapons: “It’s a microwave dinner, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on sound weapons: “It’s a boom box, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on Molotov cocktails: “It’s a flirtini, essentially!”
megyn kelly on guantanamo: “ít’s a carribean vacation, essentially”

promoted by AUsername
Megyn Kelly on arsenic: “It’s a vitamin, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on handguns: “It’s a slingshot, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on Hitler: “Basically a guy with neat hair and a cute moustache”

promoted by gschristopher
OK this is ludicrous! here’s the play by play 1 the officers were apparently
ordering the protestors to disperse WITHING THEIR LEGAL AUTHORITY! and the
protestors were PASSIVELY RESISTING! 2 the chancellor wanted the police to
remove the protestors! that means the protestors were trespassing – BTW this
means that the protestors were breaking the law! 3 a law enforcement officer is
allowed to use a reasonable amount force to affect an arrest! 4 a law
enforcement officer is not only expected to, but TAUGHT to use one step above
the level of resistance on the use of force scale in order to overcome
resistance. 5 chemical munitions are not considered inherently dangerous and
they ARE made from chilli peppers, specifically the pepper oil that makes them
hot called Oleoresin Capsicum! and yes it is in it’s concentrated form. 6
Excessive force in this situation would have been if the police used force that
causes or could cause great bodily harm to the protestors. IE beating
them with clubs or sticks or using rubber bullets on passively resistant
protestors would be an excessive use of force. – they did not do that they used
pepper spray to entice the protestors to disperse on their own (by seeking out a
way to wash the spray out of their eyes) 7 if you had a drunk shouting at you
on your front lawn you would expect the police to arrest said drunk. and if he
was passively resistant he could be pepper sprayed too. The only difference is
the drunk is drunk and the protestors are protesting. they are both
trespassing. 8 if you want to be mad at someone be mad at the chancellor not
the police. the police were doing their jobs. The chancellor was not.

promoted by Wannabeer
Well! Someone certainly spoiled the mood.

promoted by yourfriendandmine
Megyn Kelly on incest: “It’s fatherly love, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on slavery: “It’s the ideal ownership society, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on atrocious and unnecessary spellings of first names: “It’s the most Anglo-Saxony-looking way, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on landmines: “It’s like a treasure hunt, essentially!”

Edited by Mameshiba at 11/22/11 7:30 AM
promoted by yourfriendandmine
Megyn Kelly on pepper spray chemical burns: “It’s an affordable chemical peel, essentially!”

promoted by atlasfugged
The courts disagree with you. Look up the Humboldt case and marvel at how this police action is going to cost the city and university a huge chunk of cash. Protestors must be physically aggressive or attempting to flee in order to warrant the use of “pain compliance” techniques like pepper spray. Just because the police manual decided locking arms in a seated position is the line between peaceful and non-peaceful does not mean the courts agree.Also, “civil disobedience” by definition requires breaking the law. Now to head you off at the pass, I’m going to point out that you cannot equate sitting in a sidewalk with anything violent, destructive, or theft related. Why? Because violence involves hurting someone, destructive involves breaking something, and theft involves something being taken. Sitting in a sidewalk is asking someone to walk fifteen feet to the left or right (oh, the inconvenience!) and akin to sitting in the front of a bus or at the counter in a diner.

Shortest version possible: the Constitutional right to peaceful protest assembly is not trumped by local yokel nuisance-because-they-disagree-with-me laws.

Megyn Kelly on germanshepardman: “He’s a patriot, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on the electric chair: “It’s a massage chair, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on Fox News: “It’s entertainment, essentially!” Oh, wait a minute….
Megyn Kelly on Homelessness: “It’s urban camping, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on the rack: “It’s advanced Pilates, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on child porn: “It’s a home movie, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on irony: “It’s a traffic jam when you’re already late, essentially.”
Megyn Kelly on carpet bombing: “It’s a heavy downpour, essentially!”
Megyn Kelly on germanshepardman: “He’s a product of the US education system K-8, essentially!”
you forgot ‘essentially’megyn on essentially: “its the essence of the meme, essentially”

on herself: “i’m a new internet meme, essentially”

Edited by valleymann at 11/22/11 12:52 PM
It’s fine because the lawz says it’s fine! Move along, nothing to see here.
This, and the ensuing comment thread, is one of my favorite things that has ever happened. Great work!
Megyn Kelly on Casey Anthony: “She lost her kid, essentially!”
5. It may not be legal to pepper spray nonviolent protesters. HEADWATERS FOREST DEFENSE v. COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT.“…alleging that the officers’ use of pepper spray on the activists’ eyes and faces during three peaceful protests constituted an excessive use of force in violation of their Fourth Amendment rights.”

“…in light of Saucier v. Katz, 533 U.S. 194, 121 S.Ct. 2151, 150 L.Ed.2d 272 (2001), in which the Supreme Court describes the way in which to proceed when state officials assert qualified immunity in a § 1983 excessive force action.   Having reviewed the facts and circumstances of this case in light of Saucier, this panel reaffirms its conclusion that Lewis and Philip are not entitled to qualified immunity.

4. They were nonviolent protesters. What is one level above “just sitting there on the ground, passively waiting to be arrested”? Apparently, it is, “getting sprayed in the face with weapons-grade pepper spray.” Good to know.

According to some people who were there, several people had already been peeled off the line and cuffed when Officer Pike ordered them to stop because he was going to spray them. In other words, the arrest could have, and indeed WAS being effected without the use of pepper spray. Therefore, the pepper spray was gratuitous.

Do you understand that the students WANTED to be arrested? They felt that it was unfair that so few of them (3, IIRC) had been arrested for something they all participated in, and formed the line specifically to induce the officer to arrest them. The students want to be arrested. The cops want to arrest them. Where in this does the continuum of force even come in?

7. If a drunk was peacefully resisting on my lawn, I would not expect the cops to pepper spray him, because you don’t need to use violence to arrest peaceful protesters. They just lay there and you cuff them and carry them off. THAT’S THE DEFINITION OF NON-VIOLENT PROTEST.

@Joshua Bardwell “They just lay there and you cuff them and carry them off” <- This &
This thread is 100% win! Latecomer additions…Megyn Kelly on GOP Presidential debates: ” So it’s reality TV, essentially”
Megyn Kelly on skydiving accidents: “So it’s like regular skydiving, but faster, essentially”
Megyn Kelly on rape babies: “So they’re like regular babies, just more surprising, essentially”
Megyn Kelly on Bill O’Reilly: “So he’s Glen Beck, essentially”

Megyn Kelly on blowjobs: “It’s a job application, essentially!”
Gawker, can you repost this tomorrow, so this comment can win COTD please!?
Greatest….thread….EVER!!!! Whatever I can do to keep this one, I’m doing it..
Megyn Kelly on preemptive strikes: “It’s our turn, essentially.”

Megyn Kelly on Listening to Glenn Beck: “It’s a labotomy, essentially!”
On President Obama: “He’s someone who couldn’t play in the NBA, essentially!”