Weekly Wrap up

Today was all about chickens.  I went to a Community Supported Agriculture farm (CSA) and spent two hours learning about backyard chicken husbandry.  It was quite fun and entertaining.  The teacher was from Grass Valley which is a wonderful hippie/back to the earth sort of cool town where he builds backyard chicken coops.  He brought one to show us, it was quite nice.

A law was recently passed allowing Sacramento peeps to keep three chickens in their backyards, so there’s a lot of interest.  The eggs we like are between 4 and 5 dollars a dozen these days and that’s a LOT of money.  The organic free range eggs taste so much better than the force-fed cramped-cage eggs that I can’t make myself buy the latter anymore.  I’m sure the nutritional value varies a lot, too.  It makes me want my own chickens.

I haven’t quite got Bob talked into it, I think he’s afraid I’ll make him do all the work (which is a very real fear because his doing it all is a real possibility).   Regardless,  I really like fresh organic eggs.  I don’t like the idea of caged chickens. I was in one of those factory barns once in Porterville.  Bad.

There are two chicken rescues (I’m not making that up) that get their chickens from the chicken factories and are within driving distance of here.   I’ll probably go that route and pick up a few Buff Orpingtons  if they have them.  If not, I will probably get chicks.  I saw a lot of chickens today, and the Orpingtons seemed to have the best personality. Lots of different kinds.  I used to know about them, a little, but have forgotten virtually all of it.

Since we have to put up a fence around the pool (Katie will be walking soon) and maybe we can figure out where to put a little chicken coop and have that fence be part of their run.  Matt the chicken coop guy showed numerous variations on that theme.  Lots of places we could use, but predators will be an issue and we have to keep that in mind as we design the chicken space.  We have raccoons and skunks and hawks around here, all of which love to dine on chicken, not to mention our three bird-centric dogs.  I could probably teach Goob and Sissy to leave them alone but Lewi would be a lost cause.  He is not a very good learner about things he’s emotionally involved with.  Serious small-dog syndrome.


I also saw two very fresh lambs today at the farm where I took the class.  A couple of hours old. Their  ewe mama was more or less ignoring them, so they bleated piteously on and off the whole time I was there watching them.   They were sort of gross. Not really as cute as one might think.  Also saw many chickens and a humongous potbellied pig which I did not get a picture of.  He had scary boar tusks but I was informed that he was the farm mascot and very even-tempered.



In other news, the man I was married to for 17 years and the father of my only child died this week after a short illness.  It was a blow to my son, and even to me, more than I thought it would be.  I saw him a few hours before he died, he was mostly unrecognizable, lots of tubes and extremely bloated.  It was bad, but I thought, “That old fucker will pull through this, no worries.”   And then my son called me, sobbing at 2:30 a.m. and gave me the news of his father’s death.  Very sad — they were quite close.   He died intestate which was lame as he’d already had one hearth attack.   Word to the wise:  if you have diverticulitis, do what the doctor says.  And if you feel really bad from it, make them admit you and KEEP YOU in the hospital.   I think the survivors (not including me) are looking at filing a malpractice suit. Also, people, MAKE A WILL.  Husbeast and I are working on that right now, as well as possibly increasing our life insurance.  We would hate to leave each other in the state my ex left his current wife. 😦

When I was at the hospital I finally met the current wife, and I liked her.  I feel bad for her, she obviously loved him.  Fuck.

In other, other news, I was in class all week learning about HTML5 and CSS3 and jQuery.  It was very hard and at least two of those days I had trouble concentrating, mostly due to lack of sleep from what had been going on with the ex and son.   I suppose at my age the people around me are going to start dropping like flies.  Nevertheless the class was interesting, albeit over my head.  I’m not a developer, and it was a developer course, but I liked it and now I will be able to speak a little more intelligently to MY developer, and also I know what’s around the corner for web development in general.

—- Cat butt update

Shawn in Sevilla wrote about her fat cat and his nasty arse… we have that going on here, too.  Scuff is the fattest thing on 4 feet and can no longer reach her bum for cleaning purposes.  We’ve started doing it for her because she was really, really GROSS.  I had to clip the fur around it.  She was fine until I clipped her little vag a tiny bit.  Ow.  But she didn’t go away, and I kept cleaning and clipping and Bob scratched her head and she purred through the whole thing.  She is now all ecstatic about it each time, spreading her toes and purring and just generally getting a big charge out of it.  Heavy sigh.  Bob laughs and makes dirty jokes.  He always gets the clean end.  I’ve been doing this twice a day, and putting antibiotic on the little clip spot, just because it’s nasty back there and we don’t want any infection.  Seems to be ok.  No more vet bills for awhile if we can help it.   But seriously, cleaning a cat’s arse is just not what I want to be doing with my time.  Diets all around are in order, I think.


PS, I’m not really doing a weekly wrap-up, at least not weekly.  Maybe just weakly.


Great one today:


C  L  U  B  T  O  P  5
As seen on “House”

January 20, 2012

The Top 18 Words We Need

18> slimary: a period of mud-slinging at people in one’s own
political party before a caucus

17> champain: physical distress caused by that god-awful hangover
you only get on New Year’s Day and after weddings

16> lambivalence: uncertainty about ordering mutton

15> goofle: to search the Internet for pics and videos of pathetic
losers doing stupid stuff so that you might feel just a little
bit better about yourself

14> Wiiping: shedding tears over breaking a bone while playing
a video game

13> sodominiums: homes with rear entries

12> keyrumbs: the food particles forever embedded in one’s
computer keyboard after grazing at one’s desk

11> shtring: a length of string ingested by one’s pet that is now
sticking out of their anus

10> clemenstein: a tangerine as large as a grapefruit

9> wilk: the bland mixture used to moisten one’s breakfast cereal
when one’s hungover ass was too lazy and stupid to remember
to pick up a fresh gallon jug the night before

8> asstastrophe: the mess made of your clothes after a shart

7> occupie: to protest 1% of delicious pastry desserts

6> mittstake: a poorly chosen political candidate

5> hurlfriend: the regrettable one night stand who has now
inserted herself into your life, yet whom you’re too
chicken-shit to dump

4> kardashing: running away from a sham marriage at the earliest

3> inagropriate: warmly and enthusiastically hugging all your
17-year old daughter’s cheerleader friends

2> grampage: a state of mind that occurs when one gets

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Word We Need…

1> teblow: to be inept at your chosen profession 75% of the time

[ Copyright 2012 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

“Port-a-Manteaus” — The Runner Up submissions
for today’s list come later in this message.
Selected from 77 submissions from 29 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY      —  1  (20th #1)
Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC        —  2, 13
SarahJayne Bennett, London, England —  3
Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA        —  4
Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA      —  5, 9  (Hall of Famer)
Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada        —  6, 15
Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA      —  7
John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN      —  8
Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI        — 10
Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA     — 11  (Hall of Famer)
Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID     — 12
Mark Schmidt, Paris, France         — 14  (Hall of Famer)
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA              — 16  (Hall of Famer)
Stephanie Landes, Findlay, OH       — 17
Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY            — 18
Donald Junter, New Haven, CT        — Banner Tag
Chris White, Studio City, CA        — List owner/editor


~~~~  ClubTop5 Too Much Fun Link of the Day  ~~~~

The Reason Some Women Stay Single

Thanks to Catherine DeGrate for the tip.

Send submissions to 2much@topfive.com


TopFive is on Facebook!


–==++   News Headlines from the National Probe  ++==–

Perry Files to be Huntsman’s Running Mate

Shocking News: Overweight TV Cook Known for Fattening Food Has

Italian Cruise Ship Captain Takes Sudden Lead in GOP Primary

Police Find Severed Head, Hand in Hollywood; Searching for Heart
in San Francisco

Singer Etta James Passes At Last

Send submissions to headlines@topfive.com


–==++  Musing With Mitch  ++==–
by Mitchell Kobriger

If all the porn sites went dark for a day, I guarantee the
politicians would rethink their stance on SOPA.

No, I’m not profizzint in all that hizzle shizznit, but I got
a prizzy good jizzob, bizzitch.

Oh, so now there’s “good” fats and “bad” fats? I suppose next
you’re going to tell me grease isn’t one of the food groups?

Count Chocula. I consider that a bullet dodged.

Best presidential hair? Reagan, no question. Best NATURAL
presidential hair? Well now, that would be Kennedy.

E-mail Mitch: mitch@topfive.com
Friend Mitch on Facebook: http://topfive.com/mitchfacebook

Words We Need
RUNNERS UP list  —  Port-a-Manteaus

Ohbumma: Resigned exclamation when you realize what you thought
was a dream is actually the usual, gritty reality
(Mark Schmidt, Paris, France)

armstronged: having lost one ball from the billiard table yet
winning anyway
(Jeremy Shelley, Huntsville, AL)

blandwich: the plain vending machine offering one stoops to buying
when nothing better-tasting is available
(Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID)

bonear: 90% of an erection
(Stephanie Landes, Findlay, OH)

canadion: any entertainer from the Great White North sent to
befuddle Americans with a combination of extraordinary vocal
talent, moderate physical beauty and exasperating music
(Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA)

caucup: an allegedly crucial Midwestern statewide straw poll in
which no delegates are awarded and votes are never counted the
same way twice
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)

celebretard: someone who is inexplicably famous despite being a
complete idiot
(Jeremy Shelley, Huntsville, AL)

coppuccino: special blend of coffee for police officers and
(Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI)

divorkian: to end a marriage so thoroughly that there is
absolutely no chance for reconciliation
(Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

expresso: a strong coffee drink, served really f%$king quickly
(Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ)

fundamenace: Pat Robertson, Rick Santorum, the Taliban, etc.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

hornikova: a professional athlete whose fame can be credited more
to sex appeal than actual performance and achievement
(Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA)

hornover: the achy feeling in your genital area caused by a night
of too much sex
(Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID)

kardashemans: drag queens with the same hairy upper lip problem as
(Gene Dieden, New Haven, CT)

kinsipid: boring relatives
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)

lipslick: stains on the teeth from cheap lipstick
(Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA)

mapguessed: those missing spots on Mapquest directions where you
must make choose which way to go at the unmentioned fork in the
(Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA)

moating: calling a meeting then not letting it leave until the
sh*tstorm outside blows over
(Jeremy Shelley, Huntsville, AL)

obstinatiousness: a character trait that forces otherwise
intelligent men to refuse to ask for directions or to read user
(Shaune R. Stark, Cedar Park, TX)

palintology: the historical study of an era in which a superficial
one term governor of a remote state could simultaneously stir both
intense loyalty and loathing
(Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA)

prehab: the place where kids involved with Disney productions
should go before they try to make it on their own
(Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)

qualifakations: lies told on your resume
(SarahJayne Bennett, London, England)

restaurunt: a food service establishment that seats less than 10
(Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ)

santoro: the frothy mix of lube and bull semen that is sometimes
the byproduct of Spanish cattle breeding
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)

semirrhoids: you think you may have hemorrhoids, but you’re only
half sure
(Stephanie Landes, Findlay, OH)

teboner: a hard-on for any athlete that helps your pathetic team
(Gene Dieden, New Haven, CT)

Runners Up list name
(Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA)

Copyright 2012 by Chris White   All rights reserved.
Do not publish or broadcast without permission.  (I asked him, he said it was okay, really!)

Good boy, Laddie

Here’s the finished product from class today.  I like how it turned out.  I went through 2/3rds of a bottle of great wine while painting it.   It’s the Goob!   If any of you read Terry Pratchett, you might remember the big gorgeous but really dumb dog who would tell himself, “Good boy, Laddie!”  I say that to Goob a lot.


Quotes from the book I think Laddie was in:

“He tended to smile a lot, in a faintly puzzled way. This gave people the impression that he was slightly more intelligent than they were. In fact, he was usually trying to work out what they had just said.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“…inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“If the abnormal goes on long enough it becomes the normal.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“Ordinary laziness was merely the absence of effort. Victor had passed through there a long time ago, had gone straight through commonplace idleness and out on the far side. He put more effort into avoiding work than most people put into hard labor.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“People who didn’t apply themselves to the facts in hand might have thought that Victor Tugelbend would be fat and unhealthy. In fact, he was undoubtedly the most athletically inclined student in the University. Having to haul around extra poundage was far too much effort, so he saw to it that he never put it on and he kept himself in trim because doing things with decent muscles was far less effort than trying to achieve things with bags of flab.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“The moments that change your life are the ones that happen suddenly, like the one where you die.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“People who used magic without knowing what they were doing usually came to a sticky end. All over the entire room, sometimes.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is the Monday which on Friday night was a comfortably long way off. A dog’s wet nose is not strictly speaking the worst of the bunch, but it has its own peculiar dreadfulness which connoisseurs of the ghastly and dog owners everywhere have come to know and dread. It’s like having a small piece of defrosting liver pressed lovingly against you.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“It was always best, [Victor] had learned, never to try to follow the plot of any click you were in, and in any case Soll wasn’t just shooting back to front, but sides to middle as well. It was totally confusing, just like real life.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“Messin’ around with girls who’re in thrall to Creatures from the Void never works out, take my word for it. You’d never know what you were going to wake up next to.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“’But look, that can’t be right,’ said Ginger, in the small voice of one trying to be reasonable while madness is breaking down the door with a cleaver.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“What was it they said about the gods? They wouldn’t exist if there weren’t people to believe in them? And that applied to everything. Reality was what went on in people’s heads.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“Reality didn’t have to be real. Maybe if conditions were right, it just had to be what people believed…” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“The rope continued its swing. There was a noise exactly like a rubber sack full of butter hitting a stone slab and this was followed, after a moment or two, by a very quiet ‘oook’.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“Poets long ago gave up trying to describe [Ankh-Morpork]. Now the more cunning ones try to excuse it.” ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“It’s very hard to be bad at acting in moving pictures.” ~Silverfish
“Gosh. Isn’t life interesting when you see it from someone else’s perspective…?” ~Victor Tugelbend
“Everything looks interesting until you do it. Then you find it’s just another job. I bet even people like Cohen the Barbarian get up in the morning thinking, ‘Oh, no, not another day of crushing the jeweled thrones of the world beneath my sandaled feet.’” ~Victor Tugelbend
“And don’t you go around using that calm and reasonable tone of voice with me. I hate it when people go around being calm and reasonable at me.” ~Ginger Withel


On overeating or drinking

Whether we are talking about the next mouthful, the next drink, the next cigarette, the next sexual partner, or the next dose of whatever psychoactive chemical we might buy on the street, the concept is equally applicable: It’s hard to get enough of something that almost works.


Isn’t that an amazing little insight?  I got it from a Kaiser write up about what they’re studying/doing to help their members with weight control.



Had to go into work today; worked with a nice young man from a consulting company.  Smart.  Clean.  Stinky sinus infection breath.  [Why do so many men have sinus infections?]   He has virtual server labs set up at his house for the three major types of virtual services – VMWare, HyperVisor, and .. something else.  That’s a dedicated geek.   I forgot to look for a ring, don’t know if he has a wife or not.  Server lab in-home makes me wonder.

My more or less DIL appears to be getting religion if FB is a reliable indicator.  That’s too bad.  I think it’s one of her numerous cries for help.  Don’t know what to do about it, though.  Quit worrying, is probably the best answer here. Sigh.

I miss Bob.  He’s been gone for a few days.  The one at home is always the lonesome one; the one on the road is having too many adventures for loneliness to set in.  Usually that’s me on a work junket.  I’ve hardly ever been home sans Bob since we got married lo these x number of years ago.  I loved it the first couple of days.  Now, not so much.

Did you guys see this? Now you KNOW I’m feeling lonesome and weird.

*The stuff I was having a quandary about I erased because it was stupid, so now the title makes no sense.

In other news ….

I am exceedingly tired of looking at Tim Minchin.  So here’s a post to push him down the page.

I came across a really great tweet today and I’ll share but it occurred to me that the people who read this blog (that I know about, anyway) already know this.
To wit:    @SocialMedia411: We go to LinkedIn to look for reasons to hire someone, then go to Facebook to look for reasons not to.”

I thought that was very succinct.    Keep those filters working, folks!

Bob is gone this week, took his middle son to Seattle, mainly so he (Bob) could go on a road trip.   Can’t say as I blame him.   It feels like it’s been ages since we’ve been anywhere.  I’d love to get out of town, but last year I promised Cheetah I wouldn’t leave her with anyone else until she dies.  I told you all this, right?    She’s looking mighty healthy at the moment, which is 95% good news and 5% Oh-My-God-I-Have-Cabin-Fever.

Cheetah’s annoying half sister, Ray Lynn aka RayMo aka Mo, was born in 1995 and is a year older.  Two weeks ago the new vet said Ray Lynn (Rae Lynn? RaeLin? sigh) was in exceptionally good shape for a cat of that age and didn’t actually believe me about how old she was until she saw the  age marks in the iris when she looked closely.  So there are some good genetic factors there that are keeping us off the road, and probably will for more years than I care to think about.  Perhaps I will reconsider our stay-at-home agreement, but for the moment, one of us will always be here.  Too bad Andrew has a family of his own to take care of.  I miss that handy resource. 🙂  I always trust him with our animals and he’s not afraid to give Cheetah her shots every day.

Hah.  I just took a break and fed the dogs whipped cream out of a can.  Sissy is perfectly willing to just open up and have me squirt it into her mouth sans contact with the nozzle, but Goob was another matter. It was the tail end of the can, so we practiced.  He still wants to lick it and put his mouth all over it, so he doesn’t get to participate much in the whipped cream experience.  He didn’t get any better at it by the time the can was empty.   He’s always such a dork compared to Sissy.  I wish I could take a picture while I’m doing this, but it is just too delicate a process, if you know what I mean.  Plus, you know, PETA.

While Bob is gone I am experiencing deep, deep joy in letting my messy banner fly.  I always keep it in check (which requires HEAVY and CONSTANT policing on my part) when he’s around, but with him out of the picture I am dropping things and letting them lay. Lie.  Whatever.   I’m delirious with it.   I am, by nature, a completely messy person and apparently always will be.   I thought I’d get over it if I held it under tight control for a long time but noooooooooo, it’s always hard and I always love letting loose.  If I lived by myself one would need a shovel to get in my front door.  Probably.  Actually, when I DID live by myself last time I was fairly clean.  But it was out of fear that the landlord would come over because he felt sorry for my cat and was compelled to let her in and out while I was at work.   Little did I know that his son who had lived there previously was one of those people who would let garbage bags pile up inside the house.  So I looked like an angel by comparison.  Probably even on my worst day I’m an angel in comparison to that.  But in the dark recesses of my mind I see my crazy [depressed, addicted, addled] oldest sister’s crap pile of a house before she was incarcerated into long term care.  With the garbage bags and the dog poop and the dirty dishes and overflowing ash trays.  And I am motivated to stay on the side of godliness.

In other, other sad news, we attended a funeral in Idaho this week.  My 54 year old cousin Karma shot herself.  It was a terrible funeral — so, so sad and we all cried our guts out.  She was the first person in my generation to die in the family on that side.  I spent weeks every summer with Karma and her two brothers growing up.   I hadn’t seen her in ages, and didn’t even know she was in such rough shape.  That’s sad, too, the way we have all fallen out of touch, and I attribute some of my grief to that.   I spent two full days after the funeral with my other two sisters, walking, and talking, and drinking beer and watching old movies.  It was healing for me and I’m glad we had the time together.

Ug, I am tired of being sad.  I will leave you (and me) with a happy dog picture.  Her name is Ruby and she is a random dog in Sacramento via Facebook. Better looking than Tim Minchin, for sure.