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C  L  U  B  T  O  P  5
As seen on “House”
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January 20, 2012

The Top 18 Words We Need

18> slimary: a period of mud-slinging at people in one’s own
political party before a caucus

17> champain: physical distress caused by that god-awful hangover
you only get on New Year’s Day and after weddings

16> lambivalence: uncertainty about ordering mutton

15> goofle: to search the Internet for pics and videos of pathetic
losers doing stupid stuff so that you might feel just a little
bit better about yourself

14> Wiiping: shedding tears over breaking a bone while playing
a video game

13> sodominiums: homes with rear entries

12> keyrumbs: the food particles forever embedded in one’s
computer keyboard after grazing at one’s desk

11> shtring: a length of string ingested by one’s pet that is now
sticking out of their anus

10> clemenstein: a tangerine as large as a grapefruit

9> wilk: the bland mixture used to moisten one’s breakfast cereal
when one’s hungover ass was too lazy and stupid to remember
to pick up a fresh gallon jug the night before

8> asstastrophe: the mess made of your clothes after a shart

7> occupie: to protest 1% of delicious pastry desserts

6> mittstake: a poorly chosen political candidate

5> hurlfriend: the regrettable one night stand who has now
inserted herself into your life, yet whom you’re too
chicken-shit to dump

4> kardashing: running away from a sham marriage at the earliest
opportunity

3> inagropriate: warmly and enthusiastically hugging all your
17-year old daughter’s cheerleader friends

2> grampage: a state of mind that occurs when one gets
whippersnapped

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Word We Need…

1> teblow: to be inept at your chosen profession 75% of the time

[ Copyright 2012 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

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“Port-a-Manteaus” — The Runner Up submissions
for today’s list come later in this message.
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Selected from 77 submissions from 29 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:
——————————————————————
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY      —  1  (20th #1)
Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC        —  2, 13
SarahJayne Bennett, London, England —  3
Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA        —  4
Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA      —  5, 9  (Hall of Famer)
Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada        —  6, 15
Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA      —  7
John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN      —  8
Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI        — 10
Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA     — 11  (Hall of Famer)
Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID     — 12
Mark Schmidt, Paris, France         — 14  (Hall of Famer)
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA              — 16  (Hall of Famer)
Stephanie Landes, Findlay, OH       — 17
Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY            — 18
Donald Junter, New Haven, CT        — Banner Tag
Chris White, Studio City, CA        — List owner/editor

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~~~~  ClubTop5 Too Much Fun Link of the Day  ~~~~

The Reason Some Women Stay Single
http://youtu.be/ahrRuDYHNio

Thanks to Catherine DeGrate for the tip.

Send submissions to 2much@topfive.com

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TopFive is on Facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/topfiver

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–==++   News Headlines from the National Probe  ++==–

Perry Files to be Huntsman’s Running Mate

Shocking News: Overweight TV Cook Known for Fattening Food Has
Diabetes

Italian Cruise Ship Captain Takes Sudden Lead in GOP Primary

Police Find Severed Head, Hand in Hollywood; Searching for Heart
in San Francisco

Singer Etta James Passes At Last

Send submissions to headlines@topfive.com

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–==++  Musing With Mitch  ++==–
by Mitchell Kobriger

If all the porn sites went dark for a day, I guarantee the
politicians would rethink their stance on SOPA.

No, I’m not profizzint in all that hizzle shizznit, but I got
a prizzy good jizzob, bizzitch.

Oh, so now there’s “good” fats and “bad” fats? I suppose next
you’re going to tell me grease isn’t one of the food groups?

Count Chocula. I consider that a bullet dodged.

Best presidential hair? Reagan, no question. Best NATURAL
presidential hair? Well now, that would be Kennedy.

E-mail Mitch: mitch@topfive.com
Friend Mitch on Facebook: http://topfive.com/mitchfacebook

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Words We Need
RUNNERS UP list  —  Port-a-Manteaus
——————————————————————

Ohbumma: Resigned exclamation when you realize what you thought
was a dream is actually the usual, gritty reality
(Mark Schmidt, Paris, France)

armstronged: having lost one ball from the billiard table yet
winning anyway
(Jeremy Shelley, Huntsville, AL)

blandwich: the plain vending machine offering one stoops to buying
when nothing better-tasting is available
(Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID)

bonear: 90% of an erection
(Stephanie Landes, Findlay, OH)

canadion: any entertainer from the Great White North sent to
befuddle Americans with a combination of extraordinary vocal
talent, moderate physical beauty and exasperating music
(Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA)

caucup: an allegedly crucial Midwestern statewide straw poll in
which no delegates are awarded and votes are never counted the
same way twice
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)

celebretard: someone who is inexplicably famous despite being a
complete idiot
(Jeremy Shelley, Huntsville, AL)

coppuccino: special blend of coffee for police officers and
sheriffs
(Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI)

divorkian: to end a marriage so thoroughly that there is
absolutely no chance for reconciliation
(Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

expresso: a strong coffee drink, served really f%$king quickly
(Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ)

fundamenace: Pat Robertson, Rick Santorum, the Taliban, etc.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

hornikova: a professional athlete whose fame can be credited more
to sex appeal than actual performance and achievement
(Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA)

hornover: the achy feeling in your genital area caused by a night
of too much sex
(Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID)

kardashemans: drag queens with the same hairy upper lip problem as
Kim
(Gene Dieden, New Haven, CT)

kinsipid: boring relatives
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)

lipslick: stains on the teeth from cheap lipstick
(Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA)

mapguessed: those missing spots on Mapquest directions where you
must make choose which way to go at the unmentioned fork in the
road
(Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA)

moating: calling a meeting then not letting it leave until the
sh*tstorm outside blows over
(Jeremy Shelley, Huntsville, AL)

obstinatiousness: a character trait that forces otherwise
intelligent men to refuse to ask for directions or to read user
manuals
(Shaune R. Stark, Cedar Park, TX)

palintology: the historical study of an era in which a superficial
one term governor of a remote state could simultaneously stir both
intense loyalty and loathing
(Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA)

prehab: the place where kids involved with Disney productions
should go before they try to make it on their own
(Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)

qualifakations: lies told on your resume
(SarahJayne Bennett, London, England)

restaurunt: a food service establishment that seats less than 10
(Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ)

santoro: the frothy mix of lube and bull semen that is sometimes
the byproduct of Spanish cattle breeding
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)

semirrhoids: you think you may have hemorrhoids, but you’re only
half sure
(Stephanie Landes, Findlay, OH)

teboner: a hard-on for any athlete that helps your pathetic team
(Gene Dieden, New Haven, CT)

Runners Up list name
(Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA)

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Copyright 2012 by Chris White   All rights reserved.
Do not publish or broadcast without permission.  (I asked him, he said it was okay, really!)