Great one today:


C  L  U  B  T  O  P  5
As seen on “House”

January 20, 2012

The Top 18 Words We Need

18> slimary: a period of mud-slinging at people in one’s own
political party before a caucus

17> champain: physical distress caused by that god-awful hangover
you only get on New Year’s Day and after weddings

16> lambivalence: uncertainty about ordering mutton

15> goofle: to search the Internet for pics and videos of pathetic
losers doing stupid stuff so that you might feel just a little
bit better about yourself

14> Wiiping: shedding tears over breaking a bone while playing
a video game

13> sodominiums: homes with rear entries

12> keyrumbs: the food particles forever embedded in one’s
computer keyboard after grazing at one’s desk

11> shtring: a length of string ingested by one’s pet that is now
sticking out of their anus

10> clemenstein: a tangerine as large as a grapefruit

9> wilk: the bland mixture used to moisten one’s breakfast cereal
when one’s hungover ass was too lazy and stupid to remember
to pick up a fresh gallon jug the night before

8> asstastrophe: the mess made of your clothes after a shart

7> occupie: to protest 1% of delicious pastry desserts

6> mittstake: a poorly chosen political candidate

5> hurlfriend: the regrettable one night stand who has now
inserted herself into your life, yet whom you’re too
chicken-shit to dump

4> kardashing: running away from a sham marriage at the earliest

3> inagropriate: warmly and enthusiastically hugging all your
17-year old daughter’s cheerleader friends

2> grampage: a state of mind that occurs when one gets

and’s Number 1 Word We Need…

1> teblow: to be inept at your chosen profession 75% of the time

[ Copyright 2012 by Chris White/ ]

“Port-a-Manteaus” — The Runner Up submissions
for today’s list come later in this message.
Selected from 77 submissions from 29 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY      —  1  (20th #1)
Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC        —  2, 13
SarahJayne Bennett, London, England —  3
Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA        —  4
Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA      —  5, 9  (Hall of Famer)
Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada        —  6, 15
Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA      —  7
John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN      —  8
Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI        — 10
Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA     — 11  (Hall of Famer)
Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID     — 12
Mark Schmidt, Paris, France         — 14  (Hall of Famer)
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA              — 16  (Hall of Famer)
Stephanie Landes, Findlay, OH       — 17
Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY            — 18
Donald Junter, New Haven, CT        — Banner Tag
Chris White, Studio City, CA        — List owner/editor


~~~~  ClubTop5 Too Much Fun Link of the Day  ~~~~

The Reason Some Women Stay Single

Thanks to Catherine DeGrate for the tip.

Send submissions to


TopFive is on Facebook!


–==++   News Headlines from the National Probe  ++==–

Perry Files to be Huntsman’s Running Mate

Shocking News: Overweight TV Cook Known for Fattening Food Has

Italian Cruise Ship Captain Takes Sudden Lead in GOP Primary

Police Find Severed Head, Hand in Hollywood; Searching for Heart
in San Francisco

Singer Etta James Passes At Last

Send submissions to


–==++  Musing With Mitch  ++==–
by Mitchell Kobriger

If all the porn sites went dark for a day, I guarantee the
politicians would rethink their stance on SOPA.

No, I’m not profizzint in all that hizzle shizznit, but I got
a prizzy good jizzob, bizzitch.

Oh, so now there’s “good” fats and “bad” fats? I suppose next
you’re going to tell me grease isn’t one of the food groups?

Count Chocula. I consider that a bullet dodged.

Best presidential hair? Reagan, no question. Best NATURAL
presidential hair? Well now, that would be Kennedy.

E-mail Mitch:
Friend Mitch on Facebook:

Words We Need
RUNNERS UP list  —  Port-a-Manteaus

Ohbumma: Resigned exclamation when you realize what you thought
was a dream is actually the usual, gritty reality
(Mark Schmidt, Paris, France)

armstronged: having lost one ball from the billiard table yet
winning anyway
(Jeremy Shelley, Huntsville, AL)

blandwich: the plain vending machine offering one stoops to buying
when nothing better-tasting is available
(Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID)

bonear: 90% of an erection
(Stephanie Landes, Findlay, OH)

canadion: any entertainer from the Great White North sent to
befuddle Americans with a combination of extraordinary vocal
talent, moderate physical beauty and exasperating music
(Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA)

caucup: an allegedly crucial Midwestern statewide straw poll in
which no delegates are awarded and votes are never counted the
same way twice
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)

celebretard: someone who is inexplicably famous despite being a
complete idiot
(Jeremy Shelley, Huntsville, AL)

coppuccino: special blend of coffee for police officers and
(Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI)

divorkian: to end a marriage so thoroughly that there is
absolutely no chance for reconciliation
(Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

expresso: a strong coffee drink, served really f%$king quickly
(Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ)

fundamenace: Pat Robertson, Rick Santorum, the Taliban, etc.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC)

hornikova: a professional athlete whose fame can be credited more
to sex appeal than actual performance and achievement
(Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA)

hornover: the achy feeling in your genital area caused by a night
of too much sex
(Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID)

kardashemans: drag queens with the same hairy upper lip problem as
(Gene Dieden, New Haven, CT)

kinsipid: boring relatives
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)

lipslick: stains on the teeth from cheap lipstick
(Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA)

mapguessed: those missing spots on Mapquest directions where you
must make choose which way to go at the unmentioned fork in the
(Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA)

moating: calling a meeting then not letting it leave until the
sh*tstorm outside blows over
(Jeremy Shelley, Huntsville, AL)

obstinatiousness: a character trait that forces otherwise
intelligent men to refuse to ask for directions or to read user
(Shaune R. Stark, Cedar Park, TX)

palintology: the historical study of an era in which a superficial
one term governor of a remote state could simultaneously stir both
intense loyalty and loathing
(Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA)

prehab: the place where kids involved with Disney productions
should go before they try to make it on their own
(Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)

qualifakations: lies told on your resume
(SarahJayne Bennett, London, England)

restaurunt: a food service establishment that seats less than 10
(Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ)

santoro: the frothy mix of lube and bull semen that is sometimes
the byproduct of Spanish cattle breeding
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)

semirrhoids: you think you may have hemorrhoids, but you’re only
half sure
(Stephanie Landes, Findlay, OH)

teboner: a hard-on for any athlete that helps your pathetic team
(Gene Dieden, New Haven, CT)

Runners Up list name
(Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA)

Copyright 2012 by Chris White   All rights reserved.
Do not publish or broadcast without permission.  (I asked him, he said it was okay, really!)

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