Mullet Drive-By

I was driving to work the other day and saw this on the corner. The damned light changed while I was trying to get the camera up and ready, so the the shot isn’t very good, but still… I was there. I saw it. I (sort of) recorded it for posterity.
It’s the Uber Mullet. Very long and immaculately groomed. Nicely dressed. All in all, one weird package.

Y.C. Mullet Watching

Quote o’ the Day

“‘It is very pleasant dining with a bachelor,’ said Miss Matty, softly, as we settled ourselves in the counting-house. ‘I only hope it may not be improper; so many pleasant things are!’”

—ELIZABETH GASKELL, CRANFORD

Thanksgiving

This is stolen directly from Top Five

  1. "You’ve never loved me!"
    "Why the hell did I come home?"
    "Please pass the gravy."
  2. See my family:
    They’re all such friggin’ morons.
    Turkey softens pain.
  3. Christmas music plays,
    Yet I haven’t finished my
    Halloween candy.
  4. Of all the things I’m
    thankful for, the least must be
    Turkey leftovers.
  5. A strange hand enters
    My tender lil’ turkey ass.
    Cut that out, pervert!
  6. White man invades us,
    Steals our land and livelihood!
    Enjoy pie, asswipes.
  7. The zen of Popeye
    Echoes as I fill my plate:
    I am what I yam.
  8. Cowboys score again!
    I leap for joy, plate o’erthrown.
    Fido feasts again.
  9. Let us give our thanks
    To those who prepared this feast.
    Bless you, KFC.
  10. Mom shopped way too late,
    Shelves were picked clean of turkeys.
    Enjoy your fried Spam.
  11. Stomach exploding,
    I can’t eat another bite.
    What? Pie? Bring it on!
  12. This bird has five legs!
    Thanks, genetic engineer.
    Drumsticks all around!
  13. There’s a duck inside
    That chicken and that turkey?
    You’re such a pig, dude!
  14. Full, succulent breast.
    Thighs so firm I salivate.
    *That’s* Cousin Sue? D’OH!
  15. That olive seems strange.
    It looks like… AH! A glass eye!
    Not funny, Grandma!
  16. Turkey! Stuffing! Pie!
    Wolf down, then sprint to the john…
    Feast with Mary-Kate.
  17. Pungent aromas
    Wafting from Grandpa’s buttocks.
    May I be excused?
  18. Pie sirens singing,
    Beckoning from the table,
    Taunting me loudly.
  19. So full I could burst.
    Keep that mint away, despite
    Its wafer thinness.
  20. Pumpkin pies untopped,
    Whipped cream dribbles from the can.
    Who took nitrous hits?
  21. Finger lickin’ good!
    Junior says the stuffing feels
    Like warm apple pie.
  22. Sometimes we’re thankful
    For the things we do *not* have.
    Like, you know, Trump’s hair.
  23. The Pilgrims landed
    In Massachusetts. And froze.
    Next time, try Key West.
  24. Carve the turkey… yum!
    White meat, dark meat, red meat– huh?
    Crap, I’ve sliced my thumb.
  25. If you’re just too full,
    Go ahead, undo your belt —
    BUT THE PANTS STAY ON.
  26. Most Americans —
    Two thirds — are obese. Stuffing:
    Side dish *and* hobby.
  27. The carcass lies still,
    Stuffed and silent. It is Dad
    Watching football games.
  28. The diagnosis:
    Tryptophan-induced coma
    Gravy IV, stat!
  29. Forty-four years old,
    Still at the kiddie table.
    Pass the damn peas, punk.

    and the Number 1 Thanksgiving Haiku…

  30. Butterball Hot Line?
    This is an emergency!
    My penis is stuck!

Subscribe to Top Five here. It’s a very funny list, with a free version and a paid version. The haiku list was from a paid subscription, of course. Way worth whatever I paid for it, which was something like $12 for a year. Cheap entertainment!

Spam Haiku

This would be the “meat” kind, not the mail kind …..

.
.
Ears, snouts and innards
A homogeneous mass
Pass another slice
.
.
Cube of cold pinkness
Yellow specks of porcine fat
Give me a spork please
.
.
.
Old man seeks doctor
“I eat spam daily” he says,
Angioplasty
.
.

Highly unnatural
The tortured shape of this “food”
A small pink coffin
.
.

This haiku came from John’s Shrine to Spam, which apparently doesn’t exist anymore.

Mullet Haiku

Well, I’ve been trying to quit, don’t ya know, but couldn’t resist the call of the mullet. Call me a mulletard.

That reminds me, one of the blogs I’ve been reading is by a woman who calls people she doesn’t like Fucktards.

I like it. A lot!
It’s so descriptive. By golly, you never have to wonder where she stands on anything.

And now, freshly lifted from BeerChurch archives ….
It’s Mullet Haiku!
.
.
.
.
.

Empty Stroh’s beer cans
Oxycontin on the brain
Wonders why no job
.
.
.
.

Tug on the mullet
Cousin’s thumb is in my bum
Honeymoon heaven
.

mulletard (see, I stole this)

.
.
.

Afternoon at home
Jerry Springer show inspires
Viewers, guests the same
.
.
Chet
.
Chet had several good ones in there, he is no doubt frittering his talent away on silly time-wasting things like mullet Haiku.
.
.
What? Me? Shaddup.

.
.
.

i have to study
but the mullet compels me
to write more haikus

david a
[this one is totally in the spirit, don’t you think?]
.
.
.
.
.
Bitchin’ Camaro <——– that's me
Foghat on Blaupunkt Speakers
Cops Snatched My Sweet-Leaf

Freddy (NotFer)Proffit
.
.
.
.

Shoot those bowling pins!
Anything for a good time
Fish with T-N-T

david
.
.
.
.

Hair gel too costly
My mother has a mullet
Therapy? You bet!

.
.
.
.
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Mullet head poet
Bikini, lawn chair web marks
Six-pack for dinner
.

katie sue
.
.
.
.
.
My car cost more
Than my home on wheels
Heh, beat that, man!
.
.
Pink Bird Freak
.
.
.

More Dog Haiku, Vallhund mainly

Vallhund Priorities

I don’t want my food
Or a walk. Mom is upset.
Nothing else matters.

Acoustic Defense

That is a big dog!
If I bark fast and loudly,
He won’t see I’m small

Vallhund Nap

I am so sleepy
I drag myself to my bed
To nap belly up.

Blaze’s Herding

I am a BIG DOG!
Who can fit in small spaces.
Listen up, you sheep!

Blaze’s Priorities

It’s too hot to move.
How can you hike? What? FISHING!
I’m right with you, Boss.

Dog Dreams

You are sound asleep
Yet your feet twitch and nose sniffs
You woof, and run on.

Hungry Pups

A slow moving lump
At once piling and spreading
Until all find teats.

Frapping

I streamline my ears,
Tuck my butt for more power,
And run like the wind!

Procrastination

I’m on my way now–
Didn’t hear your first three calls.
Wait, I must pee here.

A Great Re-Leaf

Mom is raking leaves.
Attack rakes! Pee on leaf bags!
We are great helpers!

Decorations

Mom! Mom! Mom! Look there!
The neighbor has put up lights!
Dangerous, no doubt!

Decorations Two

Look look, Mom! The lights
Make strange shadows on the snow–
Bark at them with us, Mom!

Of Course

The sidewalk is clear,
So of course we don’t use it–
Deep snow is more fun!

Winter Night Run

Clear night. Full Moon. Cold.
Vallhunds race down the wide path–
Two ghosts with shadows

Fluffy Snow Night

Cold night and deep snow–
Two vallhunds race happily–
Fur-covered snow plows!

Blowing Coat

Once or twice a year
I shed more fur than I have
It defies physics!