Airplane Etiquette

ELBONICS (el bon’iks) n
The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in an airplane


I have a question for you if you fly much:

Who gets the armrests where?  Does the middle guy get both armrests because he’s stuck in the middle? Is there an unwritten rule about it that has yet to be disclosed to me?

I spend entire flights with my elbows pressed into my sides because I can’t decide what to do with my arms.

Question of the Moment #3

What is the single most important piece of advice you’d give to the bride-and-groom-to-be?

Being as I’m on marriage #3, I don’t think I’m particularly qualified to answer this.  But of course I will, anyway.  And I think if we did this, everything else would fall into place and we’d all live happily ever after.

When you are are frustrated with your partner, or your partner seems frustrated with you, ask, “What do you need from me right now?”
Think about it.

What’s YOUR secret to being happily married?

Question of the Moment #2

I was trying to buy some stocking stuffers and this QOTM occurred to me, because I realized I somehow don’t know the answers FOR MY OWN DAMNED FAMILY:

What’s your favorite type of candy or snack?  Or, your favorite munchy/whatever if you’re not a candy fan?  I’m really partial to good scotch, but I’m not sure it qualifies as a snack.  Bailey’s Irish Cream has a nice snacky sound to it, too.  I’d like a little snacky drop right now.

I used to like chocolate covered cherries a lot, but they don’t excite me much anymore.  Atomic Fireballs (the big excruciatingly hot ones) were my all time favorite until my dentist thanked me for putting both his kids through college.  Out, out, damned Sugar!  I’ve switched to popcorn. Orville Redenbacher is making some good 100 calorie single serving au natural type bags o’ corn with butter, salt and pepper.  Just made my mouth water typing that.  Mebbe I’ll have some popcorn with my snacky.

Chocolate covered espresso beans?  Chocolate raspberry balls?  Sour apple gummy worms?   Pringles? Cheetos?  Hi Hos?  What’s yer pleasure?

QOTM#1 – *Brandophilist or phonophile?

It’s Christmas, and that means it’s time to increase your cheesy collection of stuff!  What do you collect? What would you collect if you had unlimited funds or a complete lack of taste?  What’s your favorite piece in your current collection?

My hairdresser collects pigs, but doesn’t admit to it anymore because for years every client she had would buy her some pig-inspired thing for each and every birthday, Christmas, and vacation souvenir.  Pig calendars, pig salt shakers, pig figurines out the wazoo.  Ballerina pigs, ferchrissake.  She was drowning in pigs.  [wow, there’s an interesting mental image]

We did that to mom when she collected owls.  The problem becomes one of storage, plus, how do you toss one that came from somebody whom you love but has terrible taste?   But, oh, man, it’s so EASY to add to someone’s collection if it’s something kitschy!  I still have the urge to buy Margie an owl if I see a cute one, but I can usually contain myself.  It’s been months now since I’ve succumbed.

I collect wind-up toys.  I like all sorts of them.  Big and little.  My faves are generally robot-looking wind-ups, because it combines my love of sci-fi with my love of things that hop around on their own.
I have wind-up teeth, lips, sushi, chickens, liederhosen, pickles – you name it, I have one that hops.  They’re great, but I have no place to put them at the moment so they are languishing in old Bailey’s cans in the closet.  My Christmas “want list” this year has a collectible shelf on it.

So, out with it.  What do you collect?

*Brandophilist = cigar band collector
*Phonophilist = phonograph record collector

PS: If I was rich I might collect Arabian horses.
And stable boys.