halloween

Dated but seasonal

October 31, 2006

        The Top 17 Signs Your Halloween Party Is Sucking

17> Over half your guests came as either “Fat Elvis” or
   “Fat Britney.”

16> Best costume award belongs to Eric, who is simply wearing
   a name tag that says, “Bill.”

15> Spooky moaning and wailing on the stereo is drowned out by
   moaning and wailing from everybody who tried the clam dip.

14> Those Taliban fellas in the corner aren’t liking the bunny
   ears/burqa combo.

13> Mr. Whiskers makes a cute pirate and Buttons is a perfect
   fairy princess, but your other 38 cats don’t seem to have
   the holiday spirit.

12> Elvira showed up wearing a turtleneck.

11> Those guys dressed as the Indian, the cowboy, the sailor and
   the construction worker are getting their asses kicked on your
   front lawn by about a dozen guys in really good cop costumes.

10> “Sure, we’d LOVE to hear you rap ‘The Monster Mash’ again,
   K-Fed.”

 9> You asked the wife to think up something *really* scary, so
   she threw out the liquor and stocked the fridge with Aquafina.

 8> The girl in the hooker costume you thought was the babysitter
   is “sitting” for your husband and his friends in the locked
   basement.

 7> By nine, the three remaining guests are huddled around your
   TV watching “Sabado Gigante.”

 6> Oddly enough, “Congressman Foley” and “Harry Potter” have
   both disappeared.

 5> After you showed up in that Grim Reaper costume, half of the
   Quiet Acres Retirement Home residents had to Rascal back to
   their suites and change costumes.

 4> The woman dressed as Angelina Jolie insists on taking your
   newborn with her when she leaves.

 3> Just as you’re meeting your boss’s wife, your 4-year-old
   enters the room with your wife’s strap-on dildo on her head,
   proclaiming she’s a unicorn.

 2> “Dick Cheney” waterboards the hostess to find out where
   the good beer is.

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Sign Your Halloween Party Is Sucking…

 1> Disappointed, hungry zombies are shuffling their way over
   from Jessica Simpson’s house next door.

            [  The Top 5 List   www.topfive.com  ]
            [   Copyright 2006 by Chris White    ]

and now, back to our regularly scheduled posting

Whew, I had a little political-itis today.  If my blog won’t load, that would be all the link backs to the video.  Give it a day or two.

Here’s Scuff, enjoying her new Kitty Wig.

Or not.

Lewi The Lobster –

Here’s Lewi in his new Halloween costume.  It looks more like he’s being attacked by a Giant Lobster than wearing a costume, doesn’t it?   He’s got a new squeaky toy in the first one which is monopolizing his attention.  For whatever reason, he doesn’t seem to be bothered by a little dress-up.  Maybe his prior owners did this a lot.

Or, maybe he was like that Paris Hilton Chihuahua.  Not Paris’ dog, but a dog named Paris Hilton who was on Dog Whisperer and owned by the two gayest young men (Nelson and Jhett) I’ve ever seen.  Marvelous!

This is all coming up because Cesar Millan’s 100th Dog Whisperer show was on today.   I bawled like a baby through the entire thing.  Twice. It was enchanting to see it (on NatGeo).    I loved re-visiting all those obnoxious-then-healed dogs and owners, all re-habbed and socialized.   They were mostly, dare I say it?  All Grown Up.   Jhett wasn’t there, though.   I have to assume Paris’s parents broke up, and Nelson has gone on to become the most androgynous person ever.  Or maybe he was just pretty.   [Gawd,  I love cable.  And weird people.  I didn’t see any capes, though.  And to be honest, the Blues Brews and BBQ here in town last week had a lot weirder people.  I need to post that, I got two superior mullet shots.]

We watched a little DogTown right after Dog Whisperer.  Sissy loves DogTown and stays focused right on the screen for the whole thing with her ears up in interest.  The other two dogs run around and bark and wonder where the dogs are.

The Fabulous Spudtones

The Fabulous Spudtones

Ha ha ha. This must have been 25 years ago + or -. Mair and I as The Fabulous Spudtones for Halloween. We sang, “Here We Have Idaho”* while we wandered around at the dumbest party on the planet. I made the potato outfits. Pretty funny!

My ex sent over a huge box full of pictures that he hid from me when I moved out lo these 9 years ago. I figure he must be getting ready to be late on the mortgage (again) that he was supposed to take me off of (also lo these many years past) per the divorce settlement. My credit would be as good as it gets were it not for the little problem of the ex and the mortgage. I suppose I ought to take it all back to court but it sounds too hard, unless he really starts getting behind again, and then he’s going to have to sell it. I’d hate having to dump the babydaddy out onto the street. I wish he’d get a freaking job.

The pics are mostly of my son, but there were a few other gems, like the above. One of the little surprises was a set of photos of Son when he was 2, followed by some pictures of my crotch as he was crowning, thrown in for a little shock value. It worked! I don’t believe I’ll share those here.

*You’ve heard of the wonders our land does possess,
Its beautiful valleys and hills.
The majestic forests where nature abounds,
We love every nook and rill

Chorus:

And here we have Idaho,
Winning her way to fame.
Silver and gold in the sunlight blaze,
And romance lies in her name.

Singing, we’re singing of you,
Ah, proudly too. All our lives thru,
We’ll go singing, singing of you,
Singing of Idaho.

There’s truly one state in this great land of ours,
Where ideals can be realized.
The pioneers made it so for you and me,
A legacy we’ll always prize.

Chorus:

And here we have Idaho,
Winning her way to fame.
Silver and gold in the sunlight blaze,
And romance lies in her name.

Singing, we’re singing of you,
Ah, proudly too. All our lives thru,
We’ll go singing, singing of you,
Singing of Idaho.