Bad Science Joke Day

In an alternate reality, this is considered funny stuff.   No, really!  The staph one made me guffaw.  Aw, hell, I liked all of them.  These are mostly from Brian Malow and funny commenter peeps at BoingBoing


“Werner Heisenberg MAY have slept here.”

Shroedinger’s cat walked into a bar.
But it didn’t.

Infection walks into a bar. Barkeep says, “We don’t serve your kind
Infection says, “Well, you’re not a very good host!”

Two bacteria walk into a bar. Bartender says,”we don’t serve bacteria
here.” Bacteria replies,”but we work here! We’re staph!”

The hydrogen atom says to the oxygen atom, “Hey buddy, have you seen an electron around here? I seem to have lost mine.”
“Are you sure you lost it?” the oxygen atom asks.
And the hydrogen atom says, “I’m positive!”

So an infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says “I hate you guys” and pours two beers.

A Large Hadron Collider walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we don’t serve large hadron colliders in here.”
The Large Hadron Collider says, “That’s OK. I’m broke, anyway.”

A Lichen walks into a bar. The bartender says “we don’t serve your Kind in here.” The Lichen says “that’s O.K., we don’t drink.”

A photon checks into a hotel. The bell hop asks him ” Can I help you with your luggage?” To which the photon replies, “I don’t have any. I’m traveling light.”

A neutron goes into a bar and orders a beer. As the neutron is reaching for its wallet, the bartender looks at it and says, “Oh, for you–no charge.”

Science gets a leg up [finally] from Congress

February 12, 2009

Congress Finalizes Massive Boost in Science Funding

Late last night Congress released the first high-level details on the final agreement for the American Recovery and Reinvestment package. (For background, this legislation is essentially a massive funding plan intended to help jump start the American economy during the current fiscal year (FY 2009).) The final legislation reportedly contains a massive boost for several key scientific agencies, including NSF +$3 billion (remember that NSF’s total funding for FY09 is around $6 billion and change), NIST +$580 million and Department of Energy Office of Science +$1.6 billion. This is huge and welcome news to the scientific community that has been making the case that research funding for physical sciences has been flat for a number of years undercutting the innovation ecosystem.

Below is a summary of the science funding:

“Transform our Economy with Science and Technology:  To secure America’s role as a world leader in a competitive global economy, we are renewing America’s investments in basic research and development, in training students for an innovation economy, and in deploying new technologies into the marketplace.  This will help businesses in every community succeed in a global economy.

Investing in Scientific Research (More than $15 Billion)

* Provides $3 billion for the National Science Foundation, for basic research in fundamental science and engineering – which spurs discovery and innovation.
* Provides $1.6 billion for the Department of Energy’s Office of Science, which funds research in such areas as climate science, biofuels, high-energy physics, nuclear physics and fusion energy sciences – areas crucial to our energy future.
* Provides $400 million for the Advanced Research Project Agency-Energy (ARPA-E) to support high-risk, high-payoff research into energy sources and energy efficiency in collaboration with industry.
* Provides $580 million for the National Institute of Standards and Technology, including the Technology Innovation Program and the Manufacturing Extension Partnership.
* Provides $8.5 billion for NIH, including expanding good jobs in biomedical research to study diseases such as Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, cancer, and heart disease.
* Provides $1 billion for NASA, including $400 million to put more scientists to work doing climate change research.
* Provides $1.5 billion for NIH to renovate university research facilities and help them compete for biomedical research grants.