Nihilistic Security Questions

From McSweeney’s by way of Facebook.  This very nearly killed me.  For those who don’t know me, basic user security for staff where I work is one of the things that keeps me up at night …..




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What is the name of your least favorite child?

In what year did you abandon your dreams?

What is the maiden name of your father’s mistress?

At what age did your childhood pet run away?

What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?

In what city did you first experience ennui?

What is your ex-wife’s newest last name?

What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?

What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?

What was the middle name of your first rebound?

On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?

When did you stop trying?


If I can remember, I’m going to put little tidbits on here periodically.  Never going to write my heart out on this again, no reason to or not to.

All time favorite public spelling error:  An article about JFK and the Bag of Pigs.


Physical reasons about getting old that don’t actually suck (as ALL THE REST DO).
a.) Mosquitoes rarely bite me anymore and when they do, I don’t get the giant welts, I just get a little mosquito bite.
b.) I don’t get cavities anymore.  I have had way more cavities than teeth in my life but nary a one in the last 10 years and I still have all my own teeth, knock on wood.  Hopefully won’t do a face plant on my way out the door and lose all my front teeth for saying that.  My sister the meth head has no teeth, and badly fitting dentures.



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